Fifteen Thoughts I Have Right Now: New York Update #2

I don’t know what to say. Sometimes I get the urge to write, and I just have to. Sometimes I get the urge to pour out how I feel, and right now I just have to. I don’t have one specific message that I want to present to you at this point. I just know I am feeling a lot of things. I am worrying/over thinking/fearing so many things, and the I need to organize it all right here, right now. If you’re new to my story, I just moved from California to New York. I have actually always wanted to do this. I have always felt like CA is amazing, and if there is ONE other place I would consider living, it would be New York City.

1. So I am here. I am seriously enjoying myself. We have an apartment and all of that. We have our internet set up and everything is figured out. Now I just need a job. This is what it has all lead up to!
2. So far, I have applied to a few places, and gotten one interview. If was for a customer service job that seemed cool, but I didn’t get the job. I know that it has to be a good match on both* sides for me to be happy, and I didn’t feel that this was the case here. It’s cool. It was the first job I interviewed for. I would have to be crazy to expect to get the first one.
3. I am at a definite crossroads. In pretty much every aspect of my life. Relationships, my career, my living situation, all of that. I think today was the first day I kind of felt home sick. I just haven’t seen ANYONE in my life for a whole month! I have been around people, and even some cool ones. But there are so many people that I love, and I just quit them cold turkey! What?
4. I have been here for a few days more than a month, and it’s TIME for me to get settled into a job. I have spent the last month getting set up, finding an apartment, exploring my new city. But it’s time.
5. And the worst thing is that I don’t know EXACTLY what I want to be doing, or for what I am even qualified. I am very interested in working with people, working with a team of people, or working directly with the customers of a company. I know that I spent eight months working for a start-up company in San Francisco, and I really liked it. I also know that I want to do something that in some way improves the world. Something that makes people’s lives easier, more convenient, more filled with entertainment and meaning. Something that makes people feel good when I tell them what I do.
6. I just don’t know what job that is!
7. I went to school for marketing, and I love the idea of working in marketing. I consider myself to be a creative person. In many, many ways, I think I would be great in marketing.
8. I am twenty-two. And I keep reminding myself that nothing is permanent. So many people my age also have no idea. I guess I know the kind of environment in which I want to work. I just don’t know the exact one thing I want to do. Any advice is much appreciated.
9. In other news, the Grammy’s were tonight. There was a lot about it that I LOVED. I loved the focus on social change. I love art, and I love it’s ability to serve as a voice for the voiceless. There is so much power in music, in dance, in stage performances. If you didn’t watch Beyonce, you just have to. I don’t need to describe her performance in terms of details. But I do need to describe her performance in terms of how it made me feel.
10. I just can’t believe how beautiful it really was. First of all, Beyonce is one of the people that really can just stand and sing. And she basically did. But there was so much about the performance as a whole that represented so much of what is going on right now. Beyonce is a huge voice in the world. I respect her so, so much. These things matter. A lot. And she used her BEAUTIFUL voice to say things that really need to be said. For me, the decision to sing a hymn was just… powerful. Literally asking God for help. It says so much to me that this discussion has become about asking GOD for help. For Guidance. For literal assistance in this issue. As if to say “people are just not good enough to fix this.” And I kind of agree. I just think that there are so many people who are doing so much to mend injustices, and there are SO many people who are not listening. People’s stories matter. And when there are people who won’t listen, there are people who will not change.
11. It just REALLY spoke to me that in this moment it became a discussion between Beyonce and God. And this performance was just incredibly moving to me.

1. OH! My other thing: I am not thrilled by the way I look/feel right now. I think its a post grad funk. I am just not at my prime right now. I joined a gym and I really want to start working on my physical presence. Not just losing weight, not just getting better skin, but just all around everything. A couple of years ago, I lost 30 pounds, and it was glorious. And there was so much that came with that. I was able to dress WAY WAY better, and I was just so much more proud of everything. I think I was more fun too. Anyway, I lost 20 pounds in the first two months. So maybe in march/april, I will look and feel WAY better! I am into it.
2. If New York does ONE thing for me, I want it to transform me. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I want to come out of it with a brand new confidence. It will happen. Because New York is going to chew me up and kick me down. So I HAVE to come out better.
3. Other news: I am totally into candles lately. I don’t know what that’s about……..
4. I also need to make a BUNCH of friends. It is such a weird concept for me! It is SO easy in college. Classes and my jobs made it so easy! I always had friends. I am not worried about IF I will make friends, but I am wondering how.

Anyways, thank you all for reading. It means so much that people care to hear my updates. Thank you.

Leave a comment if you have any advice for a 22 year old in a new city!