I Decided To Stay In New York… Here’s Why!

It was about a year ago that I finally made the concrete plan to move to New York, where I now live. Today I am sitting on a subway train on my way to see a movie in Manhattan on my day off from my job, and I am measurably happier than ever.

My entire life, I have been afraid to move forward in age, in progress. I remember leaving 5th grade for junior high and crying. Going into college was a huge step. I thought I wouldn’t be able to make new friends, I thought I wouldn’t be able to build an entire life in San Francisco, and I did.

I had a new favorite karaoke bar, I had new favorite people. I had a life. When my time in SF was coming to a close, I made the decision, along with my college best friend, to move to New York, and we did.

I landed here on January 6th, in the middle of the cold snowy winter, got an apartment in Brooklyn, and got a job in Manhattan. I began to get set up, I wrote a book, I started a new podcast, and most importantly, I began to meet new people. Through my new job, at my new favorite bars, and so on. My life has began to build it self and put itself together.

When Ande and I originally had the idea to move here, we thought we would do it for one year. Which is why I’m writing this post.

Last night, Ande and asked me what I was going to do once our “one year” was over.

“I am going to stay,” I said with caution and hope, excitement and thrill.

I am going to stay!

I have made the decision to just not put an end date on the time I’m here.

Life isn’t meant to be on a timeline and a schedule. I am here right now, and that’s all I need to worry about.

New York has been perfect for me. It literally could not have turned out any better. I am having a total blast, and I have only experienced happiness and excitement since my move.

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with bi polar disorder when I was about 10
years old, and I have spent over ten years trying to learn how to handle myself in all situations. I have learned what upsets me, what triggers me, what thrills me and what depresses me. I have spend so much time on the low side of the ‘bi polar spectrum’ I have just learned so much about my own threshold and limits.

Social situations have been challenging in the past, but somehow I feel like I have overcome the challenges, at least for now.

Since moving to New York, I have not experienced even one small ounce of depression, sadness, fear, anxiety, or anything of the sort. There must be something in the air. I have really found that New York has been such a safe place for me, emotionally.

I have seriously enjoyed getting to know myself even more than I had before. I have enjoyed the release of social limits, as nobody knows me here. I have shed from any old perceptions of who I am, and who I was, and I am new. I feel that the people who know me here, do just that. They know me. They know who I am, right now, at this moment, And I am enjoying that.

The other thing that I am finding about New York is that I truly appreciate the way I am treated as a gay person. In San Francisco, I felt very boxed in to what people’s idea of what gay was. And I felt very limited by San Francisco’s idea of what gay was.

In New York, it straight up doesn’t matter to people. I find that they don’t think anything of my sexual orientation, and I am more to them than gay. I absolutely felt defined and categorized by San Francisco’s idea of gay. And I can’t say that that was such a terrible thing for a newly out person. San Francisco was an amazing place for me to come out, and it was an amazing place for me to feel supported and loved.

San Francisco is an amazing place for many many gay people. I have found that I’m just not one of them. New York has been the place for me, because rather than my sexual orientation being a main pillar of my perceived identity, it has been a background detail, and I have had to prove myself as a creative and productive person aside from it.

I love that.

I am so happy in New York, and I genuinely see so much potential here for me.

I love the subway system. I love walking through the streets and getting angry when families are taking up the entire sidewalk. I love that everyone who lives here now, used to live somewhere else. I have friends from many many places in the United States. I love that the energy is based on fast paced motivation and creativity, rather than laid back relaxation. I love that it’s not weird to be out late, and that the bars don’t close until 4am. I love that there are MANY choices of movie theaters, that there are 15 H&M stores to choose from. I love that last week I was able to leave work and go to a taping of The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon, and I love that I feel like things are happening around me. I love that it’s not a crazy thing to walk by a celebrity and not make a scene. I love that comedians come here no matter what on their tours. I love that I really can order many kinds of food and it will come quickly. I love it all. I love all that it is. I think I love New York.

I’m staying!

Please leave a comment if you have anything to say!