grief
I cried on my way home from work. I put on a Bowie playlist and I cried through “Heroes” and I cried through “Ashes to Ashes” and “Young Americans.” And I told myself it was ok to cry. I didn’t know David Bowie personally, I never met the man. But he touched my life in a deep, meaningful way and I allowed myself the tears meant to mourn a man whose life I wanted to celebrate.
There are people who will tell you it’s stupid to cry over people we don’t fully know, that crying over the death of the famous is silly and overwrought.
Don’t listen to them.
Our icons and heroes play important roles in our lives. Whether they come from music or sports, from science or literature, they are people whose impact we feel fully. Their music touches our hearts, their words touch our soul, their actions give us moments of joy. They mean something to us because they have given to us, inspired us and taken us along on a glorious ride with them.
When Elvis died I was a snotty little teenager who couldn’t understand my mother’s absolute grief. But two years later Thurman Munson died and I understood. I got it. And I felt sorry that I ever questioned that grief she experienced. I was gutted by Munson’s death, and I would be gutted by many deaths after his. I never questioned my own tears. I never thought it odd to mourn a celebrity. They were people who were in some way active participants in my life, through various mediums.
Now when our icons die we take to social media to mourn with others. And there will always be those there who tell us we are doing it wrong. There will be those who will look down on our grief, or misunderstand our mourning. They will tell you it’s silly to cry over someone you didn’t know.
But don’t we know our icons and heroes? Don’t they allow us to know them through the things they bring to us? Did we not know David Bowie through his music and other endeavors? For fans, wasn’t he a part of our lives? How could we not feel grief at this loss?
Don’t let anyone tell you how to mourn or grieve, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. Grief is personal, it’s intimate. It’s not the business of anyone else. It’s yours and yours alone. That you choose to put it out there doesn’t mean you’re fair game for people who want to make you feel bad for mourning. Cry. Cry all you want. Mourn. Grieve. It’s ok. It’s more than ok. It’s normal. It’s natural. Death is sad. Death is horrible and awful and depressing. And when we’re visited with the death of someone who brought joy and wonder into the world, that’s all the more reason to feel it deeply, to feel it in your heart and soul. Be sad. Cry. Seek out others who are doing the same and cry together and then pity the haters, for they don’t know what it is to be passionate.
Come cry with me. https://open.spotify.com/user/spotify/playlist/7MQd3rOe8kuP2KDjtuiynJ
