#IfYouAreBehind — Aging Gays / Same-sex Parents / Barebacking on PrEP

Art: This weekend, I had the opportunity to visit Dia: Beacon, where I was instantly drawn to John Chamberlain’s piece, “Daddy in the Dark”. It speaks crushing volumes to our community which is unprepared in handling the mental, physical, and social changes that accompany the aging process. First, we should be thankful that we are finally able to have a substantial population that is reaching this milestone, instead of succumbing to the epidemic we faced in the 80’s. But now, we have to continue to be vocal on the specific changes that occur and demand support to untangle the metal (so to speak).
Losing a partner or the “How to Date for the Older Gentleman” is something that isn’t discussed often enough. The mental and physical pressures that are present in such a vain community, as well as the ramifications of erectile dysfunction and/or the changing of sexual pleasures that enable reinvigorated orgasms (i.e. opening the closed back door) are just some examples that highlight the current aging issues.
Mr. Chamberlain is best known for creating sculptures from old automobiles (or parts of) that bring the Abstract Expressionist style of painting into three dimensions. His work has been shown alongside modern masters such as Marcel Duchamp and Pablo Picasso. When speaking about the “meaning” of his work, he has said, “Even if I knew, I could only know what I thought it meant.”
Featuring Mr. Chamberlain’s work this week speaks to his meaning. There aren’t any correct answers to our questions; and one person’s answers may be completely different than a same-aged counterpart. But they are purely meant to highlight what everyone is undergoing, yet too afraid to discuss. At my practice, Bespoke Surgical, one of my goals is to eliminate any shame in having these types of conversations and to allow people to open up.
Time is the one thing none of us have any control over and with this needs to come an understanding of how to positively embark on each new experience.

Science: The title states “Same-sex couples do not influence their adoptive children’s gender identity”. My initial thoughts were of joy and excitement, on such a wonderful study and result. Yet as I let it all marinate over the American skies — during my usual monthly trip from New York to Los Angeles — the excitement shifted more to sadness. Why would it have any influence on anything other than “love”? Who would think any difference existed in the ideals of rearing children? And I demand to see the gold standard of families who create the norm!
But the answer is that a lot of people have doubt. The union of two same-sex individuals has and will continue to be questioned in and of itself, let alone now bringing in the element of adoption. So if the naysayers are out there — and they are a plenty — the data presented does have validity and its merit is ever important in the uphill challenges we all face.
So now I am back to excitement and let me share their results:
The study included 106 families headed by lesbian, gay or heterosexual parents and the data showed that family structure had little influence on how children’s sense of gender would develop. Moreover, little truth was found in the idea that lesbian or gay parents might encourage or allow more gender nonconformity among their children.
So with all of this, and as I land at LAX, I realize that these studies are unbelievably monumental. Regardless of whether I think or know with certainty that there is no difference in anything with same-sex individuals (except maybe twice as many 🍆 or 🐱), the world requires the data to prove it. The findings may help attorneys, judges, social workers, adoption agencies and, more importantly, all the haters when they consider issues about the sexual orientation of parents and how it may influence the development of their children’s gender roles.

Sex: Barely PrEPared is a new movie playing at the local cinema. Everybody is cumming to see it, yet not everyone is going to enjoy it afterwards. Why you ask? Because the outcome might not be what you… prepared for. The overall risks we take have consequences and the current set of gay-world antics highlight the difficult decisions one has to make on a daily basis.
Last week, Newsweek covered a new survey on sexual behavior, collected by the U.K.-based gay men’s health charity Gay Men Fight Aids (GMFA). It showed two-thirds (65 percent) of 500 gay and bisexual men said they didn’t use a condom the last time they had anal sex, with more than a quarter considering themselves to have a “risky sex life”, including sex with partners who are HIV-positive. Also of interest, 200 said they have tested positive for an STI other than HIV.
This new-age, app hook-up scene creates a lack of dialogue and a heat-of-the-moment, bare-all scenario that provides one with that immediate sexual pleasure and much needed 💥. This survey was not meant to slut-shame anyone because of how they chose to engage, but rather to bring risk to the forefront so that we make sure, as community, we are accountable for our actions.
Risk reduction encompasses knowledge on all options available, with a renewed focused on education. Understanding HIV undetectability and how safe encounters can be positively fostered with proven results is imperative if engaging in this manner. PrEP provides another wonderful layer of protection, along with wrapping that 🐍, specifically for non-HIV related STD’s. And don’t forget about post-exposure treatment (PEP), which is available for those high-risk encounters.
Kudos to GMFA for highlighting:
In this day and age, it’s not a one size fits all approach any more. We need to meet gay men where they are in their lives. We need to keep on pushing the message that there is more than one safer sex strategy.

