Tales from the Tail — the Young Beautiful Virgin vs. a Deal with the Devil
Once you open the door, even just a teeny, tiny bit (and I’m referring to your relationship), you introduce a significant risk to both you and your partner(s). True fact, my boys. You’re flirting with the devil.
I am constantly reminded through my clients (and even myself) about the psychosocial ramifications of a sexual encounter — more so the fucking mind games it plays on you personally. With each suck or fuck may come a subsequent abdominal pain or fart or even some diarrhea and/or rectal pain. Something that may totally be a normal, ordinary occurrence, and yet with each potential possibility, comes the thought, “Is this an STD?” And once that thought is put into your head, 💥 — now your mind is fucked, too.
There are three camps of gay men in open relationships:
- One that understands all of these ramifications and does not give two fucks — literally.
- Another that totally gets the potential risks and knowing that scares the shit out of them. So much so that they stay put, regardless of how hard their cock gets when coming into contact with every new bulge they see.
- And then the last one that hunts for what they think would be the purist of them all — an untouched (but 100% age-legal) guy. A neophyte of sorts, yet once unboxed, may bear the fruit of your labors. This may require searching for someone new each time or the creation of some element of an arrangement with just one individual, which may involve some sort of exchange (money, rent — you name it) for the literal pleasure of someone who is loyal and pure. All with the hopes of repeated STD-free engagements.
So that begs the question: who the fuck are you?
Clearly, there is no right answer to the above question because each of them come with their own risks (and rewards). Of course with the last option, unless you are attracted to younger guys, all bets are off on finding someone who is still a virgin. On the other end, if you are into younger guys, the sky’s the limit, but then it boils down to: at what cost? For sure, you would have some peace of mind with every sexual encounter (less of an internalized mental mind fuck). But then again, you’re again stuck with only one guy (how is that any different than the relationship you’re already in?). You don’t want that. You want variety. That’s the whole point of an open relationship. I know what you want. Most want the same thing — you greedy bastards (and I mean that in the nicest way possible). The reality is, no matter what, you think you should have it all. You are a kid in a candy shop. Well, sometimes the apple looks fresh, but once you bit into it, you find a worm or perhaps a parasite (trust me — I’ve seen patients with both in my exam room).
At the end of the day, it all comes down to risk analysis and risk mitigation. Yes, you can take PrEP for HIV prevention — that’s a no brainer. Yes, you can use condoms. Believe it or not — you can even shower post-sex and rinse with Listerine to help prevent STD transmission (check out an episode of the Talk About Gay Sex podcast during which I discuss this). Yes, you absolutely should have frequent and regular STD screenings and the like. Blah blah blah. But each time we play, the compounded risk comes with you (pun intended). I’m sorry. I have no idea why I am so dark this week. Maybe it’s because I am on an antibiotic for stomach cramps 🥴. Or maybe I have seen so many guys come through my office, each facing the same conundrum, that I thought it’s time we have this discussion.
Having an open relationship may sound appealing — you get the best of both worlds: stability with your primary partner and all the cock or ass you want — but the saying is true: the grass isn’t always greener. But, oh, wait a second, thinking about that new cock in your mouth or the variety of beautiful holes. Eyeing the VPL of the guy at the gym in grey sweats? The unknown and mystery surrounding you. There’s that risk again. But for many, it’s actually the risk itself that gets them off. It’s not only an STD risk, but also a yearning for the unknown. And no matter how high the risk, many will teeter and either create an arrangement that suits them or just go for it and always be on the hunt for fresh meat.
No matter what you choose it’s all good, man. I am not here to judge. One of the reasons why I founded Bespoke Surgical was to create a safe haven. A place where men can come and be honest, knowing that no one will pass judgement. And this blog was created to share both client and personal struggles and to simply discuss the narrative for the world to view. We hope that bringing these stories to light translates to guidance.
Oh, now I remember why I wrote this. I was watching Nicholas Hoult in Tom Ford’s A Single Man for the 100th time on HBO this past weekend. And holy fuck — how pure and innocent and simply beautiful he was. And his ass. Jesus. Just watching him sitting on the motorcycle made me want him to sit on me. Youth is a funny thing. And the purity of it is another reason why we seek it. There’s no use trying to hide your bulge. It’s all good. We get it.