Tales from the Tail — Why Can’t I Bottom?
Patient’s Tale.
My college years were all about perfecting my hole. Wait, maybe more my bottoming skills. 😂 And for ten years, it was on point. Girth, length, powerful thrusts— you name it — I took it. I could have sworn my ass was fucking bionic. Ugh! I could cry now thinking about the pleasures both I and my partners derived from my hole. Why so dramatic? Well, it has been non-operational for the past three years. No one (or object) has been up there. Over and over again, I can’t bottom and I’m beyond frustrated! 😒
I don’t even recall how it happened, actually. Was it from a shit or sexual play? Who the hell knows. Honestly, I just know that 3 years ago, I suddenly couldn’t bottom without sustaining pain and bleeding. Every time I’ve tried fucking since then. Four surgeons later, with surmounting frustration, I am still in the same situation I was years prior. WTF? And worse yet, none of those doctors had any understanding of how this has destroyed every ounce of sexuality in my life.
That’s when I decided to embark on a journey to see Dr. Evan Goldstein from Bespoke Surgical, with my last glimmer of hope to resolve this catastrophic situation. I found him and his practice through a friend and also by Googling around since I couldn’t fathom how the fuck I was the only person dealing with this situation with my asshole. I DM’d Dr. Goldstein on Instagram and he got back to me immediately. I was assured a visit was in order, as well as a solution. Just to be able to have this appropriate conversation, even if through technology, gave me hope for the future. I am actually off to the NY office soon to see him. Up and up. Or up and in, please!
My Discussion.
Over and over again, I get emails and DMs from all over the world with the same scenario this person outlined above. Something causing something to occur in the ass, which prevents the sexual play our community (and others) desires. And worse yet, none of these surgeons can provide a concrete diagnosis or a solution. I am beyond frustrated, just like you, but I do recognize I am not even the one with this pain in my ass.
It’s truly an epidemic plaguing our world.
So what’s going on with this particular client?
It’s an anal tear that develops into an irritated, chronic mess of scar tissue, sometimes limiting both defecation and sex. A cut on your hand mends beautifully and most without a scar. However, in the ass, it doesn’t work like that. The cut is constantly trying to close, but when we shit, or workout, or attempt sex, it opens up again. And as it’s trying to heal, the body says fuck it and lays down (or up) a scar. That scar is weak and, for many, it can withstand the pressure of shitting, but for most, it cannot withstand the forces generated from anal intercourse. So you try and try, but it isn’t gonna happen. It gets irritated — no matter how you slice it (attempting different lubes or positions, or prolonged time off from even trying sex at all). Some people develop extra skin in that area, which is called a skin tag. That’s the body’s attempt to try and close the cut. Another sequelae is a small pocket of scar arises and then shit, mucus, excrement, and what not festers in this little region, causing local inflammation and infections. All of these — believe it or not — are only occurring in one small spot of your ass, right on the muscle line. Hence the pain and bleeding, even from this little shit of a problem. And this leads to the big problem of ruining our sex lives.
I do believe other physicians should have the knowledge and wherewithal of understanding all of the above and coming up with a remedy. Especially since the solution is not that difficult. But I don’t blame them. They have no concept of the ass beyond the act of shitting. Sex, for the most part, doesn’t even come to mind. So you will go and see them and they will say it’s a hemorrhoid or a fissure and give you creams. They all do. Yet over and over again, when we fuck, tearing happens each time. Some doctors may give you Botox to decrease the pressures, but without taking care of the scar that has chronically developed, it’s never going to heal.
In the coming weeks, I will be seeing this out of towner and it will be a fifteen minute operation, followed by appropriate post-operative management. It’s mind boggling to me (and super frustrating) that people have to suffer — some for years — ruining relationships of all kinds over something so small and easy to resolve. However, I do feel blessed and honored that I can be a part of someone’s correction. I write more for people to understand there are solutions. We as a community have to first take care of our own. That was the impetus for me opening my practices. But that wasn’t enough because many are going other places. Places that are not providing the care we all deserve. This then led me to blogging and being an advocate in the hopes that not only patients would reap benefit, but also that other physicians could step outside their comfort zone and start to both understand and treat in a new way. That’s the oath we took and everyone deserves access to the care they need, regardless of their sexual orientation.
The interesting thing here is that people have access, yet the solutions don’t align with the issues of our different communities.
Don’t worry: I won’t stop making noise until this access leads to the betterment of all of our assholes. I believe the anal cavity is the key to our soul and when that is altered incorrectly, lives are shattered. We at Bespoke Surgical and all who are involved in this mission wake up each and every day beyond ecstatic to service our community in the hopes of change for all.
I will keep you posted on this client for sure.
Don’t forget to stay in touch on Instagram: me and Bespoke Surgical.
