Where At-Home and Telemedicine STD Checks Fail
Client’s Tale.
Have any of you ever gotten fucked in the ass (of course loving every minute of it) and then wound up dealing with pretty severe constipation for a couple days after? This recently happened to moi and I was concerned because after 40 some-odd years of bottoming, it’s the first time. Was this natural, a mere coincidence, or something I should be freaking out about?!
Yes, he was hung like a horse and yes, I let him make me his slave, but even after all those deep thrusts I begged for, how could it clog up my pipes? My diet hadn’t changed, I douched like I always did, and there was no shit contamination during our sex session. In the moment, it was bliss, especially the skin-on-skin feeling of his throbbing, warm cock in my pussy. He blew his load deep inside me and even had more once he pulled out. Just thinking about that night… wow. I’m getting a semi.
The days that followed were shitty — or, better yet, not shitty. I became more and more bloated, yet couldn’t pass gas to relieve it, and, you guessed it, no pooping. It got so bad, and with my primary doc unavailable over the weekend, that I decided to do a telemedicine Skype call. After sharing what happened (minus all the cock-throbbing details), I was told to get magnesium citrate to help push things out, steroid creams for the likelihood of hemorrhoids, and bloodwork to be done at the local LabCorp. Everything came back negative for any systemic issues, but the laxative only pushed out one little pebble. Suffice it to say, I didn’t really feel all that better, mentally or physically.
One of my sex partners recommended Dr. Goldstein at Bespoke Surgical. He’s a client there and told me to make an appointment right away. Dr. Goldstein and I spoke at length, but it felt different from other doctor’s appointments I had had. I was super comfortable discussing all the details, which turns out were actually necessary to my prognosis. Dr. Goldstein’s response, even before the physical examination, was that it probably was an STD (despite previously receiving all negative bloodwork). He performed a full exam, along with both rectal and oral swabs, as well as urine check. We skipped bloodwork since it was current, otherwise that would have been done, too. After that, he performed an internal anoscopic exam and, low and behold, he discovered that Gonorrhea was the issue.
Treatment ensued and within 24 hours time, I was no longer full of shit — literally. My two pack abs were back in business and things were flowing. Just 👏🏼 like 👏🏼 that 👏🏼 ! How crazy that I thought a routine STD check is a routine STD check, regardless of where I had it done. When in fact, there are specialists who not only ask the right questions and perform the right exams, but also provide a setting where you feel comfortable enough spilling everything. It was actually life changing.
Oh, and just in case you’re wondering, I did notify my Grindr date and I imparted all the wisdom I learned from Dr. Goldstein.
My Discussion.
I’ll try to keep this short and sweet. STDs present themselves in a myriad ways. Some illicit full blown pain, mucus, and discharge, while others may simply cause constipation, and many are asymptomatic. I have attempted several times to educate medical professionals on making sure we understand the communities we serve so that we cannot only learn appropriate sexual history from our clients, but also perform proper physical examinations, as well as lab work or imaging to support conclusive diagnoses. Of course I will continue to make my plea, but at the same time, I will continue to speak directly to the patient or client. Yes, I’m talking about you.
STDs are quite common and because many of them stay local — i.e. in your ass or in your mouth — that’s where we need to make sure the swabs and checks are performed. Blood work alone is not sufficient. I blog all the time about this, yet practitioners continue to miss this extremely critical point. I even saw a new patient this past week who had two anal wart surgeries and came to me with recurrent issues, only for us to find out that he was Gonorrhea positive after taking a simple anal swab (that was clearly not performed prior) and needed stat treatment. Another prestigious hospital took care of him and couldn’t even understand the testing requirements for anal sex. 🙄
It’s so frustrating to see all these people receiving incorrect diagnoses and missed treatments. So let’s break it down.
We all should be getting checked every 3 months if we’re sexually active and on PrEP. These exams should include bloodwork (making sure to check the usual STDs, along with kidney and liver function as well), anal and oral swabs for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea, along with a urine collection and testing. I am also a proponent of a full in and out anal examination, since it allows you to see anal warts and/or herpes locally and testing is limited at best. It’s best to have a full set of eyes on the booty. And if your doc doesn’t suggest these, it’s imperative that you demand them.
Another failed diagnostic opportunity is if you are sent to a lab and the lab asks that you do the swabs yourself. If that’s the case, find another doctor that will perform them in the office for you. Self-swabbing to me is useless. Many people do not feel comfortable performing it themselves and more often than not, people aren’t going in far enough for accuracy. You’re not a fucking doctor and you shouldn’t be put in this position. I see time and time again inaccurate results that only further delays your STD treatment. It’s unacceptable because all of this can be avoided.
We as a community need to be educated on what potential issues can arise before, during, and after anal play. It’s important to stay on top of your bottom. So maybe it wasn’t so short and sweet, but I hope I got this drilled in. Oh, and my last point: if you have anal sex and 2–3 days later you start to develop some new symptoms, whatever they may be, the first thing you should assume is that you have an STD. That way, you can reach out to your doc and, as noted above, undergo the appropriate testing and treatment right away. Of course, if you’re in NYC, you can always make an appointment to see me at Bespoke Surgical. Your bottom is our top priority.
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