What My Husband Taught me about Accountability

This morning, my husband sat me down to talk about something that had been bothering him of late. He had agreed to hold me accountable in my eating habits several months ago and was staying true to his word. I, however, was not. I had, and still have, a big sweet tooth and it was getting me in trouble. Ben was to help me stay away from the brownies and cake. He was really good at it. The problem was me. After a bad day at work, an exhausting week, I turned to something sweet to make me feel better. I was eating my feelings. Ben would remind me of what I promised him, what he promised me he would do for me. You know what I did? I got mad at him! Then I ate the pan of brownies anyways.

This is embarrassing for me to write. But I’m learning a valuable lesson from it and I sense that someone else might benefit from it to.

When it comes to health and fitness, accountability can be a determining factor in your success. Having someone you trust to keep you on track, guide you during the tough spots and be on hand for advice or encouragement is great. Some people really thrive on having multiple accountability partners in their fitness journey. Some people only need one while others can keep themselves motivated and on track in their own way.

When I first started working out regularly and eating better, I leaned heavily on Ben to help me pick which exercises to do on what day, what kinds of foods to eat and how much to eat everyday. He has always been in great shape and he is my best friend, so it seemed logical to enlist his help. I also started following the hundreds of fitness accounts on Instagram, many of them girls who were participating in the BBG program. It was cool at first, seeing different bodies and work outs and recipes on Instagram. Ben was always there to back me up as I tried new things I learned online.

I then started to compare myself to everyone. The girls online were always fitter, always happier, always working out even when they were tired. I had to separate myself from my online “accountability partners” because they weren’t really holding me accountable. It was a one-sided relationship I had with my phone.

I started taking my insecurities out on Ben and myself. I would get frustrated and completely go against my diet and exercise goals, to the dismay of my husband. Then I would double back and renew my vows to be more consistent and less whiny, asking Ben to again hold me accountable.

But I was completely missing the point.

When you take on an endeavor and choose to have an accountability partner, you consequently make the choice to be all in. The whole purpose of having that accountability is to prevent or enforce something at all costs. If you mess up, you can go to your partner and confide in them in total trust and honesty, under the oath that it won’t happen again.

I did not have trust and honesty with my accountability partner. I was sneaking chocolate when he wan’t looking, eating cupcakes at parties even though we agreed I wouldn’t and then I would get upset when he called me out on it.

I realized that my lack of accountability (and willpower) affected not just me, but him too. I realized that I had been wronging him just as much as I had been wronging myself for sneaking those sweet treats here and there.

So Ben and I came to this conclusion: no more promises we can’t keep. I know that in order to stay happy, I need to be able to indulge occasionally. It prevents me from binge eating. So why hold myself and Ben to a false promise of eating completely clean 24/7 if I know I won’t do it?

If you find yourself going back on your promises, sneaking and cheating, re-evaluate your goals. Sit down with your accountability partner, trainer, coach, parent and/or spouse and let them know what is going on. Redefine your parameters and set new standards. Most importantly, be on the same page. Let them know your pitfalls and your hang-ups but also what you know works. Work around those things to make the most of your time and energy. Your body and your relationship with that person will be all the better for it.

Ben helped me write this post. He deserves all the credit because even after this, he still believes in me. Ladies and gents, if you are lucky enough to find someone who puts up with your insanity and still believes in you, KEEP THEM!

Originally published at www.elizabethlandrum.com.