What I learnt from the painful process of letting go
I think my theory on ownership stemmed from my upbringing where being the 4th of 5 children, I craved to independently own things rather than share or get the hand-me downs. This seeped into my adulthood so I often struggled with letting go. This was either in the context of romantic relationships, friendships or situations that no longer served a useful purpose.
Even in the face of clear signs that it has run its course, I still found myself holding on to the fragments of what once was.
I find myself reliving every memory and hoping that things would somehow stay the same without having to completely come to an end.
But I have since had a revelation having experienced a recent situation that challenged me to look at things differently.
It made me challenge my usual approach of dwelling on things long after they were over and I since realise that is necessary to let go not only because that chapter is over but also to usher in new beginnings.
You can’t walk into the new whilst you are still tightly grasping on to old things. You have to fully accept that it is over, allow yourself to experience the emotions however sad they are and give the future a chance.
Distance is necessary for perspective and clarity.
When you’re in the thick of things, your mind can become very muddled and you start to lose the ability to see situations for what they really are. Your rose coloured lenses clouds your judgement. It is only in the resolve to create the relevant distance that you can clear up your vision, think neutrally and decide on the best way to move forward. I can safely now say that it was actually a blessing in disguise to disconnect with certain people from my past.
People and things are not really ours to own.
In the wonderful chapters of your life, people will come and go for many reasons. Could be for a season and for a reason. It could be to open your eyes to new experiences beyond your norm, to teach you a valuable lesson or to bring pure unadulterated joy. Accept it for what it is and don’t try to hold on to them too tightly when the time comes to let go.
Same applies to possessions. Remember you take nothing with you when you leave this earth so be open to sharing what you have with others and even giving it to them if you feel they need it more. Not saying you should not enjoy the experiences and pleasures of owning things, just equally important to realise that you can’t hold on to them forever.
Once the wave of sadness and raw emotions wear off, a better you will emerge.
As most of you can appreciate, it takes a lot of strength to overcome difficult times and actually get over your expectations of how a relationship should have played out. It is human nature to mentally create a series of future events involving the other person, so to accept that that will no longer be the case is undeniably hard. But I have learnt not to underestimate the determination of a mind committed to survival. Once you decide that your life is worth living, then nothing can stop you. From here on it is simply a case of constructive reflection-
· What is this experience teaching me?
· How will it help me become better?
· How can I move forward?
This is vital because your mind suddenly becomes preoccupied with creating solutions rather than festering on the past or beating yourself up.
You realise that your life is not over just because somebody left.
Life will go on even without those people you once thought you could not live without. In fact however beautiful the relationship once was, there will be others. You just need to give yourself permission to be happy again.
If you are reading this and struggling to let go, remember that this is just one chapter in your story. Also what is meant to be will be. You just have to accept that you cannot control everything. So for now, peacefully detach and turn the page. Let the next chapter begin.
Allow yourself to feel all the emotions you need to. In time, you will find joy again. This is not your only chance at happiness.
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