#34 Every Lie We Tell
Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later that debt is paid. — Chernobyl
Part of growing up for me was learning to be less ‘honest’. I was so grounded in the importance of truth telling — I took (and take) responsibility for communicating in ways that are, frankly, ridiculous. I would overshare, clarify, and provide unnecessary detail in an effort to be fully honest.
Learning I was attracted to women created even more complexity in this view. I felt somehow responsible for other people’s possible desire to know this about me. It was re-enforced by folks saying things like, “Why didn’t you tell me?”, with varying degrees of accusation.
Over time, I came to understand that being ‘honest’ and anticipating what someone else might find important to know (or guessing what they might find important to know) and sharing myself fully and explicitly were not the same things. In fact, some folks use disclosure and sharing as a way of deceiving others. Honesty and truth telling are states of being, in my experience, more than singular actions.
I have intentionally chosen to lie or deceive at different times in my life. Each time, in addition to the hurt and harm it has caused others, it has caused me hurt and harm. It requires that I step away from my inner…
