A veteran’s journey to Bethel
The journey to Bethel of Marine vet Curtiss Carr, a freshman, has been rockier than most.
By Parker Rothenbacher-Schmittdiel | Royal Report
Curtiss Carr knows what it feels like to suffer. For almost a year, the 27-year-old Marine veteran spent his life sleeping on the couches of others. He says his wife and child left him. Memories of the Iraq war haunted him. Now he’s trying to recover his life at a new school in a new state.
“I told myself to do the one thing I said was a last resort, and that was join the military. Never wanted to do it. Never respected the people beforehand.” — Curtiss Carr, Marine Veteran
He grew up in Plaid City, a small farming town in Missouri and graduated from high school in 2008.
“My parents weren’t supportive of me going to college. My parents really weren’t supportive of anything…” Carr said. “I told myself to do the one thing I said was a last resort and that was join the military. Never wanted to do it. Never respected the people beforehand.”
“(The Marine Corps) were the hardest, they look the best, and were the sexiest.” — Curtiss Carr, Marine Veteran
Soon Carr found himself in the Marine Corps office. He didn’t know much about the corps except what he had heard: “They were the hardest, they look the best, and were the sexiest.”
Why not? Carr had thought. I like a challenge.
He joined the Marine Corps and went to boot camp in San Diego. After 12 weeks of training, the longest of any military branch, he was shipped to Aberdeen, Maryland, for nine months of schooling. Carr was then deployed to Camp Pendleton, California.
In 2011, Carr received his first deployment as part of the 2nd Battalion, 5th Marines Unit during Operation Tomodachi. He says he and other Marines in his unit helped offer aid and supplies to Japan in response to the Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami that had occurred earlier that year.
A year later, Carr was deployed again, this time to Afghanistan. For the first time, Carr lost members of his unit. Three were killed in action. Among the 2nd Battalion, 5th Marines Unit, cohesion played a vital role, he says. The whole unit felt the loss.
“You see how how delicate life is. It makes you reevaluate your actions,” Carr said.
After a short deployment in 2014, Carr’s service came to an end Aug. 24. He tried to adjust to life back in the United States, but he no longer felt safe. Carr had spent so much time being close to danger that he could no longer see the illusion of safety that made everyday life possible.
It was hard to be in groups of people, he said. He needed to know his loved one’s whereabouts constantly. The loss of control terrified him. Carr stopped taking the risks he used to. At home, he dreaded feeling the same loss he felt overseas.
Near the end of September, Carr’s wife confronted him. She wanted a divorce. They had been married for three years, but during those years, they had only spent five months together. To Carr, being a Marine had taken priority over spending time with his family, he said. The mission always came first. She left and took their infant son with her.
That was the final blow. He had been trying to finish his education, but without anyone to confide in, Carr started having panic attacks. He missed school. Paranoia crept into his mind. Carr got the chronic feeling that someone was watching him. Slowly, he began drinking and secluding himself, he said. Without a job, Carr resorted to selling his personal belongings just to afford medicine. He no longer felt like he had a purpose. All he could think about were the friends who didn’t come back.
He had no place to go.
“I was going through a lot of pain, and all I wanted to do was make it worse.” — Carr
He spent a year in and out of the hospital, he says, bouncing between living in his car and crashing on somebody’s couch. Gradually, he came to the realization that he needed to accept the situation and began to invest in himself.
“I was going through a lot of pain, and all I wanted to do was make it worse,” Carr said. “Once I kinda I let that go, things eventually got better.”
After all he has been exposed to, Carr has searched for a source of hope, faith and what is good.
“To me, that’s Christ,” Carr said.
He had been struggling with his faith since first being exposed to God at age 15, he said. Ever since, Carr has been searching for a greater purpose. To this day, he still pushes himself to better his own life and the lives of others. Carr yearned for a place to be amongst those who were doing the same thing.
What Carr found was Bethel. While Carr and Bethel differ in some regards, he believes that both he and Bethel have a firm foundation in Christ. While Carr still has trouble connecting with others, he sees Bethel as a hospital, one that heals the spirit instead of the body.
About Curtiss Carr
Age: 27
Year: Freshman
Major: Biokinetics
Favorite food: Ben and Jerry’s AmeriCone Dream
Hobbies: Reading nonfiction, going to the gym
Interests: History, philosophy, animals
Source: Interview.
