Disorder
Senior Bethel University student Jordan Buzzard had a struggle with an eating disorder but overcomes it with faith.
By Rachel Olson| Royal Report
Jordan Buzzard walked into the bathroom after a meal in the Monson Dining Center in 2012. Looks to see if anyone is around then makes her walk to the bathroom. There, she gets to see her lunch once again.
“I didn’t want people to think that I wasn’t perfect. I wanted people to think I had it all together, and I was fine, and that was really a bad way to go about it.” — Jordan Buzzard
Starting in 2012, Buzzard now a senior, began her battle with an eating disorder. She strained to stand still in a tug-of-war pull between society’s view of beauty and what she knew to be healthy for her body.
“I didn’t want people to think that I wasn’t perfect. I wanted people to think I had it all together, and I was fine, and that was really a bad way to go about it,” Buzzard said. “I didn’t tell anyone about the eating disorder for five months, and it really ate away at me.”
Buzzard struggled with bulimia, potentially life-threatening eating disorder characterized by a cycle of bingeing and self-induced vomiting designed to undo or compensate for the effects of binge eating. This disease does not happen overnight.
At first her diet was a plan to slim down her senior year of high school. At 5’8” she wanted to be 180 pounds the average weight for her height, she worked with her father, a physician, to work out a new diet, that would allow her to feel better about herself and lose 30 pounds to get down to 150.
“I got asked to prom by the most popular guy in school my senior year of high school, and in my mind I correlated that with: I was finally desirable and popular because of how I looked,” she said.
Soon the dieted became an eating disorder, which, slowly started to consume her thoughts and actions. She started counting calories on a regular basis. Then, she ate something that made her feel sick. All of the sudden eating food made her feel uncomfortable brought her to her knees beside the toilet.
“I got on the scale the next morning, just like I always did–I was addicted to the scale– and I realized I had dropped two pounds over night just by throwing up,” she said.
When coming to college at Bethel University, Buzzard was excited for the new experiences of college life, but was quickly reminded that the eating disorder followed her.
“I tricked myself from thinking it would all go away, and it didn’t. You can’t run from your problems because you’re still carrying that with you,” Buzzard said.
“I had gotten really good at it and it being very clean, it was a quick painless process.” — Jordan Buzzard
Sneaking around, being aware of people around her, Buzzard sought out secluded single bathrooms, and checked beneath stalls to make sure she was alone.
“I had gotten really good at it and it being very clean, it was a quick painless process,” Buzzard explained.
But where there is darkness there is light that allows Buzzard to overcome the mind games.
Buzzard found the courage to tell her freshman roommate about her disorder. With the help of other friends and her freshman resident assistant, Joelle Johns, Buzzard began to heal. Through prayer and often singing different Disney songs.
“I needed them not to fix me and to just listen to me, and that’s what they did,” she said.
Johns’ open door policy for the women on her floor became a God-send for Buzzard.
“We got the chance to move her mattress onto the floor of my room. We had the best pillow talk…She also sang Disney songs 24/7 that year,” Johns said.
Johns explained that prayer was the best way she could help Buzzard through difficult times.
After a hard two and a half years of overcoming her eating disorder, Buzzard is very open about her experience. With the encouragement of her friends and now roommates she is open to talking to people and does not let it define her. Roommate and friend Elisabeth Solfelt has been by her side since freshman year.
Solfelt and Buzzard with a couple of other roommates will dress up once in awhile to get them through the lull of the semester. Some weeks it is a Disney character and others it is a movie character.
“We both like to celebrate things about life,” Solfelt said. “We like to celebrate things and we will dress up for that day, so one day we did Disney Princesses. You need a friend like that to get you out of the grind of life and a grind of college,”
With the eating disorder in her past, buzzard often thinks about how the disorder is dealt with.
“I didn’t want anyone to know but honestly I think feathers need to start being ruffled because if we don’t, people that we love will keep spiraling,” Buzzard said.
Buzzard started ruffling feathers and being more open with her struggles, she even spoke at chapel and has put her story on Youtube. Although she isn’t done, she is still trying to find ways to help others through her experience.
