Tatiana Lee posed with her biological sister Nataliya (on right) and now adoptive mother Dagni Lee (middle). The photo was taken in 2001 — the year Tatiana and her sister were adopted. | Photo prepared by Tatiana Lee.

Identity crisis

Being adopted from across the globe has shaped Bethel University junior Tatiana Lee since day one.

By Abigail Johnson | Clarion Correspondent

Tatiana Lee was walking through the woods alone one evening. She remembers her young 5-year-old self being separated from her sister as they walked through the woods in groups, assigned by the Zhukovka orphanage. Racing to find her sister, Lee lost her shoe. Immediately, she ran home — cold and afraid.

Nights like this depict Lee’s early childhood in a foreign land. Lee was born in Bryansk, Russia April 13, 1997. When Lee was two years old, her father died from a heart attack. Her biological mother was an alcoholic who paid the government to take Lee and her siblings away from her. Lee’s following three years were spent in the Zhukovka orphanage with her greatest moment being the peel-off ice cream cones she would get for Christmas and birthdays.

On June 21, 2001, Lee’s story changed. She and her biological sister, Nataliya, were adopted together by David and Dagni Lee. The day was filled with mixed emotions as Lee cried the entire ride home. Balloons, welcome home signs and gifts filled the day with celebration.

“Each new thing they discovered — foods, toys, swimming pools — was a glimpse into what we had and what they never had,” father David Lee said.

Lee may have feared the unknown, but she wasn’t alone. Her sister, Nataliya, was experiencing the same bittersweet feeling.

“Being adopted with my biological sister was the greatest gift I could’ve ever received. I can’t imagine being adopted alone,” sister Nataliya said. “There are so many things that we share with one another that no one could ever understand.”

Transitioning into a new home and family was challenging, however being so young came with an easier adjustment. Challenges consisting of a language barrier and education soon developed. In first grade, Lee began meeting with teachers to improve her reading skills. This lasted until seventh grade. Now, she is a journalism major and creative writing minor at Bethel who enjoys writing poetry to help her cope with depression.

Junior Tatiana Lee practices ASL in the BC Wednesday afternoon. “I like ASL,” Lee said. “It’s different than what I thought it would be, but it comes easy for me.” | Photo by Abigail Johnson.

Infinite unanswered questions lead to depression in Lee’s sophomore year of high school. She struggled discovering her identity due to a lack thereof family history. ‘Why do I have what I have?’ were thoughts that raced through Lee’s mind on a given day. As half of her identity is rooted in Russia, the other is in Woodbury, Minnesota with her adoptive family. Thus, Lee has two separate lives. Two separate identities in a society that focuses so much on the importance of knowing oneself.

January 2018 Lee and her sister, Nataliya, received a phone call from Russia. Their older siblings, Peter, Andrew, Maria and Nadia, had reached out to them wanting to get in contact. Communication progressed between Lee and her siblings in Russia and unanswered questions began to get answered.

“I don’t have a definition for home.” — Tatiana Lee, junior

This establishment between Lee and her siblings in Russia fumed eagerness in Lee to determine her identity, but a dual citizenship in Russia and America left Lee and her sister, Nataliya, restricted from going back to Russia. Thus, unfolding, yet again, another feeling of incompleteness.

“I don’t have a definition for home,” Lee said. Since Lee was young, she feared of the people she loves most leaving her. She remembers hearing the garage door going down when she was young, thinking her family was leaving her. Hence, Lee’s fear of people leaving her is due to the normalcy of abandonment that has marked her heart since day one.

Though Lee struggles determining her identity, she holds her identity in writing and soccer, especially. Lee’s passion for the game began at the age of five with her dad, David, being her biggest motivation. The competitive drive Lee and her father share and their common love for nature developed their relationship long ago.

Junior Tatiana Lee has possession of the ball while facing Bethany Lutheran College. Lee has played soccer for the last 16 years. | Photo by Teresa Brubaker.

“We have a chemistry that helps us understand one another and that really strengthens our relationship,” David said.

Over time, Lee’s parents have filled the void her biological parents left long ago. “Looking back at it now, I have the best parents who adopted me,” Lee said. “They 100% knew what they were getting into and they 100% never gave up.”

“I look back at my life and I think God is the only person that can make my story my story.” — Tatiana Lee, junior

Lee’s parents were the ones who opened that door to who God was. A new idea of home was established where it did not matter where identity was found, but rather who it was found in. Lee has discovered and dove into the realization that a relationship with Christ is her home, and that is where her identity is found.

“I look back at my life and I think God is the only person that can make my story my story,” Lee said.

Timeline: Bethel student Tatiana Lee’s most defining moments.

Bio Box: Who is Tatiana Lee?

• Bethel University undergraduate student
• Junior
• Age 21
• Journalism major and creative writing minor
• Bethel University women’s soccer player
• Freelancer for The Clarion

Map: Bethel student Tatiana Lee’s version of “home” over the years

• Bryansk, Russia
• Zhukovka Orphanage
• Woodbury, MN
• Bethel University