Pure in heart
Bethel University professor seeks to redefine how purity culture affects people in his research .
By Godfrey Mpetey & Conrad Engstrom | Reporters
Anxiety shuttered throughout the body of Dan Rotach as his daughter, Carise, sat him down. The topic: purity culture. Rotach reminisces on giving his daughter a silver ring as a pledge of purity. Sadness blushed Rotach as she sat him down to return the ring, symbolizing the pledge has been broken.
For 24 years, Rotach has worked as a licensed marriage and family therapist. Rotach is an adjunct professor at Bethel University in the psychology department. He previously held a position as interim campus pastor prior to current campus pastor Laurel Bunker’s arrival. He has worked with thousands of couples, most of them young Christians.
Throughout his work, Rotach encountered similar struggles many couples discovered within their relationships. He remembers counseling a couple who were very sexual active and the woman wore a purity ring.
“What’s up with that?” Rotach asked pointing at the ring on her finger.
“Well, we are not having sex until we are married,” the couple answered. Sex meaning sexual intercourse.
Rotach was taken aback after hearing this. This influenced Rotach into researching the topic of purity culture several years ago. He started because of students and premarital couples who had bought into purity. According to Rotach, purity was not about what someone’s actions were rather how its described in Scripture.
“Purity [to them] has been defined as something you did or didn’t do,” Rotach said. “when in essence, it’s more about what going on in your heart.”
Rotach noted his wife, Judy and himself decided to remain celibate until their marriage. However, their decision strummed more out of fear.
“We chose not to have sex because God will get me.” Rotach said. “The biggest issue is that couples within purity culture have not been able to distinguish sexual desire from lust. Sexual desire is something to be celebrated.”
Rotach took a break from research due to the fall MLB season. When he did research, he decided to take an untraditional route. Rather than using scholarly sources, Rotach utilized TEDTalks, Twitter accounts and blogs to provide knowledge on the subject of purity. While many sources stemming from Christian publications such as Christians for Biblical Equality International (CBE International), he found greater research on purity from outside of the church.
“I found most research from those outside of Christianity.” Rotach said. “Sometimes [Christians] want to hydroplane through this topic by utilizing bible verses and testimonies.”
Another influence on Rotach’s research was his former student Kelsey Widman. Widman graduated from Bethel University in 2016 with a degree in english literature. Widman has written articles questioning today’s purity culture and has been published on CBE International in 2015. In the article, Widman reflects on the painful struggles that comes along with purity culture.
“I grew up thinking the worst thing I could’ve done was have sex before marriage,” Widman said. “Flipping that switch when you get married and going from having no sexual experience to having a lot causes more shame than anything.”
Widman remembers sitting at youth group and the topic that the youth pastor spoke on was sex. The tactic the pastor used to explain what premarital sex does to your life was as if someone were stabbing a water bottle with a pocket knife destroying the bottle. This metaphor was a fear tactic, according to Widman, to make sex seem negative.
Senior Tori Van Sickle had Rotach as an professor for his human sexuality and is currently in his course on Christians and conflict. To Van Sickle, purity is defined as more than the behavior. She was raised conservatively when she was given a purity ring at 13 years old by her father. As she grew older, she discovered a clearer definition of purity.
Van Sickle believes it’s hard to manage your sexual behavior, but emphasizes having your heart towards God.
“It’s really hard to stay out of shame,” Van Sickle said about her definition of purity. “[saying] this is pure and this isn’t pure does not give you life.”
Her friends, however, didn’t share the positive light of purity as she did. Similarly to Widman, Van Sickle recalls visiting a friend’s youth group when a group leader spoke about purity.
“The group leaders said girls are apples on a tree and all the apples on the ground, that became bruised and rotten, were girls who didn’t stay pure” Van Sickle said about reminiscing on her experience. “I don’t want to be a mushy apple.”
Bethel University senior John Horner does not know the shame when it comes to his marriage with his newly wedded wife Sydney. They started dating when Horner was in ninth grade and Sydney in eighth grade. John, now a student of Roatch’s in the 2017 fall semester, spoke to his own definition of purity culture when it came to dating his now wife for six years.
“At first, she did not even want to kiss until marriage,” Horner said. “That changed after two months. The one thing that stayed consistent was to not have sex until marriage. The main reason why I did not want to have sex before marriage was because I am a big rule follower. During the relationship [with Sydney], my mindset changed. I didn’t want to hurt Sydney or my future wife if I had sex out of marriage.”
A person who can attest to Rotach’s work is his daughter, Carise. Speaking on purity, Carise vividly remembers the moment she broke the pledge.
“I distinctly remember losing my virginity and having a “Lifetime” movie moment where I stared at my virginity ring and wondered if I had invited fire and brimstone into my life as a result.” Carise said about losing her virginity.
She expressed feeling confused and hurt. Not due to having sex but to a religion and belief system that “told her that I was bad because she did.”
“I had made the decision to engage in consensual sexual activity with someone I loved, which is a normal experience for many, but felt like I had ruined my life.” Carise said.
Carise, just as her father, is a licensed family and marriage therapist and specializes in sex and relationships. As a therapist, she grapples with the issue of purity with clients who were raised within the purity culture.
“Many of them often struggle with sexual functioning as a result of being told that something like sex was “bad” and “dangerous” for so long.” Carise said.
Just as her father, she is currently researching purity culture within the Christian community. According to Carise, she has found a correlation between post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and purity culture. Her hopes are to publish a book focusing on the people who struggle with the guilt and shame stemming from purity culture.
“I went to a lot of therapy and confronted a lot of fears but ultimately came out the other side more in control of my body and my sexuality.” Rotach said. “I faced disappointment from friends, family, the Christian community…but ultimately had to be comfortable within my own skin.”
To Rotach, his research is less about his beliefs, but more about leading others in a better way.
Rotach’s end goal in his research is to redefine the definition of purity. Similarly to Widman & Van Sickle, Rotach believes in removing the guilt and shame within purity culture. More importantly, as a parent, he wants to spare them from the pain he went through.
“As a parent, we must honestly wrestle with their own history [of purity].” Rotach said. “We need to better communicate with our children without guilt and shame.”
Rotach wishes not to have his research published in a journal or for a dissertation but to provide spot on transformative for his clients, students and those whom he interacts with.
“I could help make someone rethink purity culture, all the research I’ve done is worth it.” Rotach said.
