The good girl messes up
I broke my parents’ trust and hearts with a boy, a hug and an Oreo mint Blizzard.
I came home all rainbows and sparkles. I couldn’t believe the Sunday night I had just had. My crush actually came to the youth group after I invited him. I mean, we got ice cream together after! So it was practically a date! Even though my best friend, her boyfriend, and my two co-worker friends from Culver’s tagged along for the ride…Oh! and I could hardly make eye contact with him for five whole seconds.
I’m the girl who is too afraid to speak aloud in my English classes even though I know most of the answers. I’m the girl who imagines dating Spider-man as much as I imagined dating this dude. I’m the girl who would rather stay home to read Percy Jackson than go out to a homecoming dance. I’m a nerd. Obviously, I’m going to get excited when a boy shows me attention.
Anyways, after dropping him off at his home and getting a hug from him (A HUG!). I drove back in my bright red Ford Focus — Ronald — singing my heart out to “this is what falling in love feels like” by JVKE all the way back home. It was just my luck that Becki’s boyfriend offered to take her home, leaving my crush with me.
My parents welcomed me home and I flashed a white grin at them, and told them youth group was absolutely wonderful. Climbing down the stairs to my room, I skipped to and fro from the bathroom, jotted down the juicy details in my journal and texted ALL my friends (It was only like 3 people…). It was like I was in my own fairytale. I was a nerdy version of Cinderella having her one romantic night with Prince Charming.
I was about to go to bed when there was a knock on the door. I floated over and found my mom on the other side. With the face.
It was the face she made at my 13-year-old brother when he would talk back. It was the face my 7-year-old brother would get when he’d hit a family member. It was the face she made at my 5-year-old sister when she would throw a tantrum over not getting a Dum Dum lollipop.
It was a face not meant for me.
I was the daughter who got all A’s. I was the sister who was the perfect role model. I was the church kid who went to every service given. I was someone who strived for perfection.
Her lips set in a firm line. Soft brown eyes a shade darker than they should be, and all the lines on her face showed, making her look much older.
My fairytale was about to come to an end. Midnight was striking.
“Becki’s mom says she didn’t come back home after church. Weren’t you supposed to drop her off?”
An F-bomb went off inside my head. I knew it was a bad idea for Becki to go home with Tony. The two could hardly stop sucking each other’s faces since they’d met two months ago (NASTY, RIGHT?) They were probably still going at it at the Walmart parking lot.
Becki was a great friend, but I’ve always had trouble with her when it came to boys. She could never control herself. She always complained when she was single and always spammed my phone with messages complaining about all of these guys she felt drawn to (even though they were walking red flags).
But my crush asked for a ride home. And it would be just the two of us if Becki went with Tony…
I blinked. As a sharp jab went through my body.
That was selfish of me.
“Uh, well, her boyfriend said he could take her back…”
“Her boyfriend was at youth group?
“Yes…”
He had been coming for a while. At church she had the decency not to blind us with their obsessive PDA. But the two would always be sitting right next to each other, holding hands, sneaking little kisses on the cheek. I hated watching, but I couldn’t look away. It was something I desperately wanted.
“How come you came home so late? Was youth group longer than usual?”
The Oreo Mint Blizzard in my stomach churned.
Getting ice cream after the youth group was not my idea. I knew I should’ve called my parents to ask, but deep down I knew they’d say no. It would be “too late.” (I still can’t go anywhere without telling them. AND I’M 19!) Ah the joys of having Mexican parents (AM I RIGHT?)! At first I felt uneasy about my decision, but immediately felt better as my crush made himself comfortable in my car’s passenger seat, a smile on his face and all eyes on me.
My head told me to lie. Lie and not get in trouble. Everyone else does. But I’m not like everyone.
“No…we went to Dairy Queen…”
I had never seen her disappointment directed at me. I wasn’t the perfect child everyone told her they wanted anymore.
She left for a bit to update Becki’s mom. It was almost 11 at night and they had called her multiple times. Her dad was driving around our small town of Marshall, which took only 20 minutes to drive through, looking for her.
This didn’t help the guilt burning my chest.
Mom returned with dad. They found me sitting on my bed, staring at the wall. I felt dizzy and lightheaded and I didn’t know why.
Hot tears streaked down my face as they told me everything I did wrong. What if something bad had happened to me and they didn’t know where I was? What if something bad has happened to Becki and her parents don’t know where she is? I was someone they were supposed to trust. I’m the oldest, what was I thinking? Why did we help you get a car if you were just going to go off wherever you wanted (LIKE YOUTH GROUP!)? I was still living under their roof, so they always had to know where I was.
At some point my anger broke through a small crack.
“How come everyone else gets to do whatever they want! I just went to get ice cream!
My mom’s eyes widened in surprise and I could’ve sworn she flinched back for a second. I never talk back like that.
“So you’re telling me,” she huffed, “that when you have kids, you don’t care where they go? You don’t want to know where they are? Just in case?”
That shut me up.
Earlier, I was planning my wedding with those blue cartoon birds singing their happy songs to me.
I tossed and turned in bed.
How could I let Becki go like that?
How could I put my parents through that stress?
Why is everyone else allowed to do stuff like this without all of this drama?
Why can’t I do anything right?
Why am I such a bad person?
Soon, I was shaking and feeling extremely hot. All I could hear was the loud pounding of my heart.
Not again. Not again. Breathe. Please just breathe.
I stumbled out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I burst in and fell over the toilet. Tears burned down my face as I wretched out my chicken dinner and Oreo Mint Blizzard out into the bowl. Once everything was out, I stayed on the cold ground sobbing. I gripped the hairs of my scalp hard.
I was supposed to be the oldest. I was supposed to be the responsible one. I was supposed to be the perfect first child. But I messed up…
And I hated how guilty I felt over this stupid mistake. I had done almost everything right for my parents (You would think this would lead them to TRUST ME.) and yet when I slipped up they acted like I was out getting pregnant (IT WAS JUST A HUG.).
Deep down I knew I had to cut them some slack, I was their first child and I had to remember this was their first time dealing with a teenage girl. But to this day…this situation never sits right with me. I had never done anything to make them doubt me, and when they did for a small thing, it broke me.
They claimed that their trust was broken, but they never even thought about mine.
Angela Gonzalez graduates in May as an English and journalism major at Bethel University in St. Paul, Minnesota. She likes writing adventure and fantasy fiction, reporting on interesting people and doing photography. During her free time she enjoys rereading Percy Jackson for the 100th time, watching movies until her eyes hurt, chugging Dr. Peppers and spending time with her crazy friends and family. She hopes to one day be a published TA novelist. She seeks a day job while she writes that novel. Hire her.
