Axe Body Spray
The daily trudge of one particular high school in Morocco.
By Nikole Cairns | EMT, cookie dough enthusiast
Period 1: Science
Mr. Davidson mentions next week’s dissection. Fish. “But Mister, I thought we were going to do frogs.” No frogs, he says. The fish are cheaper. Tariq whaps Hamza on the head and then sprays Axe body spray in his face. Hamza tries to punch back, but Mr. Davidson yells “E3wa! Safi baraka!” — “Hey! That’s enough!” They wait three minutes before they start tearing sheets out of each other’s notebooks.
Period 2: French
Marwan reads a paragraph from Une Vie by Guy de Maupassant. It’s the part where Jeanne and Julien first have sex. He keeps laughing, so Monsieur Edris interrupts him. Marwan winks at Khaoula. She gives him the middle finger. Monsieur Edris tells Noelle to continue reading. She reads three paragraphs and doesn’t laugh at all.
Period 3: Math
Ms. Campbell is attempting to teach the half-life formula, so she shows a clip about radiation from the TV show, “Numb3rs.” People talk the whole time. Anissa walks into the classroom without knocking. Ms. Campbell gets right in her face to prove that Moroccans don’t understand physical boundaries. Anissa doesn’t flinch. She has a note from Mr. Powell. Ms. Campbell leaves with her and tells us all to “wait quietly for once.” Tariq and Hamza pull out their Axe to finish what they started earlier. Mehdi and Marwan join in. Soon, ten guys are spraying Hot Fever, Dark Temptation, and Black Chill into the air. Everyone else covers their faces with their t-shirts. Oscar rolls his eyes and reads the textbook.
Period 4: Arabic
There is a new student from Belgium, so Ms. Aisha is teaching the alphabet… again. She tries to keep the rest of us occupied with worksheets, but we did these ones last year. Oscar fills them out anyways.
Lunch
Amira finds Dr. Ivanov’s mugshot. Apparently he assaulted a Mr. Foto employee when his pictures weren’t ready on time. Kareem snaps his laptop shut indignantly. Amira pokes Kareem’s shoulder. “You still thinking of asking him to be a reference on your Princeton application?” He shoves the laptop into his backpack and pops open a Tupperware of carrot sticks. “I don’t know.” Noelle wonders if “ze incident is why Dr. Ivanov was fired from ‘arvard.”
Period 6: English
Ms. Reed walks in to the computer lab. “Alright guys, fire ’em up. I want these 50 minutes to be super productive.” She runs her hands over her short, salt-and-pepper hair. “Marwan and Tariq, no anime porn.” The class snickers. Mahmoud pops the keys out of his keyboard and rearranges them into four-letter words. On the first day of class Ms. Reed mentioned that “she and The Bard have an intimate relationship.” And no one is looking forward to witnessing that first-hand.
Period 7: P.E.
It’s 90 degrees. And everyone keeps tripping and kicking each other. Hamza monopolizes the soccer ball. That’s why he’ll never go pro. Mr. Bilal spends most of the class under a tree, about 15 yards away, eating corn chips. He works his way through a whole bag while texting and filming segments of his vlog. He only looks up to call half-assed, deeply biased fouls. He has four favorite students — one of whom is Hamza. Two girls lightly touch their bellies and claim to have “their time.” Mr. Bilal shudders and dismisses them to change.
After-school: First Aid
The instructor scratches out his lecture on the chalkboard. Tariq starts to molest the legless CPR doll. A couple other guys exchange their favorite porn sites. Hamza and Marwan start setting paper on fire with a lighter in the back corner. The goal is to see how many they can burn consecutively before the instructor turns around. The record is seven.
