The Unsaid — The Silent Menace
The Unsaid.
It is there.
You know about it.
But others cannot hear it.
Some may share your Unsaid. But you don’t know that.
It’s there. Hidden.
And it’s hurting. Hurting you. Hurting your colleagues. Hurting the team.
But what is the Unsaid?
The Unsaid is that monster… that issue… that problem… that concern that no one wants to bring out in the open. No one wants to mention it. Why? There are many justifications. It could cause a conflict or be the start of heated discussions. Better avoid that! Or because we shouldn’t challenge the rules — who am I to question the rules? Or because we might look incompetent or stupid.,. or get yourself into trouble. Or because you doubt that anything could happen to overcome some issue. Or even worse, you could end up in a far worse situation!
But in the meantime, the Unsaid is still there, eating us bit by bit and growing, getting stronger. We are not happy. Neither are some of the members of the team. We don’t feel good or comfortable. We hate the fact that things are not right. But still, no one is mentioning what is not right… what is not working. We don’t want to be in this situation. We want to escape, change job… or maybe even career. If only I could raise it up and discuss it within the team. If only I have the courage to just speak up what’s been on my mind rather than just wait for things to improve on their own. If only I just stop worrying about the consequences and just voice my thoughts.
I think… I think I need to just speak up.
Maybe things can change…
Maybe others also share my thoughts…
Maybe I could be happier….
Yes! I should be happier!
You might choose to share a team-related Unsaid with your partner or your friends in your city or your work colleagues outside of your team during a coffee break. Would that help? You might get some value out of it — empathy, understanding, tips. But the real value is to bring it up with the people more directly concerned with the issue on your mind. In a workplace, this would be with your team, and it could be during a Retrospective session or at the end of a meeting or at a time you might feel more comfortable sharing. Calmly mention the issue and most importantly, share how it’s making you feel. The reaction you get will differ depending on the psychological safety in the team, but one thing is certain — you will have that out of your chest, people would know how you feel and there would be at least one person who feels the same way as you. A good approach is to support your argument with possible solutions. Still, always be open to discussions and alternative ways of tackling it.
As you discuss the issue you will feel happier that you’re no longer feeding the monkey in your mind (see Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind by Jennifer Shannon). A monkey avoids the things it fears and trying to avoid thinking about a problem can feed further the anxiety caused by the same problem. To let go of the feelings of fear, anxiety and worry is to master your fear, act, and speak up. Fear will always be there but remember what George Adair once said :
Your journey through work and life will always be a rollercoaster, with its ups and downs. You will go through good, great times and there will also be issues and problems along the way. Your choice is what you’re going to do when the going gets tough.
So, let’s kill the Unsaid — and it all starts with you.
Have courage my friend and just do it.
Don’t wait for anyone else to unleash the Unsaid.
You can do this!
