2 Ways In Which Toxicity Is Misunderstood — And What You Can Do About It
A label is not all there is.
In varying contexts, we have been exposed to the word ‘toxicity’, at some point in our lives — be it through media or content of any kind, and through situations, circumstances, and personal experiences.
While we might understand the meaning that the word tries to convey, the word is thrown in, almost without considering how that meaning can be made sense of.
Words such as ‘toxic’, ‘toxicity’ are far too often treated as problems, in and off themselves, when in reality — they are underlying causes to the problems;
And it is not possible to deal with problems without understanding what causes them in the first place;
What we see on the surface are problems that need solutions;
What we conveniently ignore is the depth to that surface which holds everything that leads to those problems.
Toxicity (of any kind) is not about finding answers to the ‘what’ of problems — but it is about learning to see through the ‘why’ — and making a choice to do something about it.
Here are 2 ways in which toxicity is misunderstood (and how it should be understood instead).
1. Some People Are Just Toxic
We very conveniently label people as toxic.
Of course, such a conclusion is often rooted in instances that bring out the toxicity in someone;
But what we do not consider is this — instances that bring out the toxicity in someone are instances that bring out the toxicity in them;
And instances are NOT equivalent to an identity.
When we identify someone as toxic, we are marking them with a permanence of a label against temporary situations/events.
What You Can Do About It?
Rewire yourself to label actions & behaviour as toxic — and not people.
This is not about accepting toxic behaviour — but simply about acknowledging that such behaviour is rooted in certain triggers that bring out a certain response from someone;
It is when you realize that a behaviour is toxic (and not a person), that you can begin to understand such a behaviour in the light of the given context.
This is also not about submitting to the toxic behaviour being perpetrated by a person — but simply about being aware enough on detaching the person’s identity from the identity of the behaviour itself.
The solution isn’t in identifying ‘who’ is toxic, but in being open to understanding ‘what’ is toxic — so that you can get to the ‘why’.
People Are Not Toxic - Actions/Behaviours Are.
2. Toxicity Is Nurtured By The Side That Engages In Toxic Behaviour
Toxic behaviour might be created on one side, but it continues to exist only when it is nurtured by both.
When a person engages in toxic behaviour, it is to a great extent that the response on the receiving end can determine if such toxicity is further encouraged or not.
We’d rather just make excuses for experiencing something toxic by dumping the responsibility on the source completely, without considering our role as receivers, in it.
What You Can Do About It?
Understand that it is just as much on yourself, as it is on the other person — to stop the toxicity in its tracks.
It is in your response to the event/situation/behaviour, that you can choose to stop enabling it.
The more you come up with excuses to justify your response, the more you tend to justify into convincing yourself that you’re a victim — and the other person is the villain;
But you’re not a victim — you have all the power you need, to change your response in a way that allows you to be in a better place;
And the other person is not a villain either — they misguided themselves at certain moments due to triggers, and that is their responsibility to work on.
When you consciously decide to change your response to a toxic behaviour, you choose to nurture what is healthy.
Just the way it takes two sides to nurture something healthy — it takes two sides to nurture something unhealthy as well.
It Takes Two Sides To Nurture Toxicity.
Toxicity is often misunderstood because we rush too much to label it, without understanding what it is that we are trying to label, and more importantly, why.
It is only when we understand something in and off itself, that we can begin to deal with it productively.
When we choose to see things for what they are — when we choose to view toxicity in a light that makes it possible to deal with, without being too focused on fixating on our default thinking patterns — it is then that we learn to transcend it.
There is more to toxicity than a label — It is about understanding what makes it such, so that we can navigate through the why.
It is okay to misunderstand, just as long as we’re willing to redirect our understanding to what really matters, and then work on what we can do about it.
