Are You Paying Attention To What Your Jealousy Is Really Trying To Tell You?
3 hidden truths to help you rise to light from the darkness within.
When the night falls and the day comes to a close, when we are stripped of everything we choose to show to the world, and when we are in the presence of no one but ourselves, the bitter feelings we’d rather not feel, somehow manages to consume us, no matter how fleetingly.
We have all been to that place where we feel like nothing is ever truly enough, and nothing is ever truly capable of being complete.
We have all been where we have zoomed out from the world outside us, to zoom in to the world within us, only to find reasons to feel varying shades of what we label as jealousy.
It is as though feeling jealous is not enough, that we must end up feeling bad about feeling jealous in the first place;
And there goes a confusing spiral of thoughts that is a heck of a ride to come to terms with.
However, feeling jealous is not truly the end of this process;
It ends when we listen to the deep insights that such a feeling offers.
Jealousy is a complicated emotion that offers simple action points, and all we have to do is lean into the truths.
Here are 3 truths that your jealousy reveals (and ways that you can address them productively):
1. Your Deepest & Most Desired Need
Jealousy most often strikes when you are presented with a picture of something that is desirable to you, yet something that you can’t yet call as yours.
It is something that you crave to have, but haven’t been able to yet.
It is not the pretty picture that hurts, but coming to terms with a reality of someone else, that you crave for yourself, that truly hurts.
How you can deal with such feelings productively?
- Try to break down the big picture (that makes you jealous) into smaller elements. For instance, if you were to write down a list of things that you are yet to check off against, what would those be?
- Once you have identified those smaller elements, all you need to do is figure out what you currently are (or should be) doing, in order to check them off.
- Ask yourself: “What should I be working on (that I am not currently), to get where I need (and want) to?”
Yes, there are many external variables that work out differently for people in different situations, and it’s often a process that takes time, but to acknowledge the control you have over making your life happen in a way that satisfies you, means that you can do all it takes to begin working towards giving yourself what you most deeply need.
2. What You May Have Tried But Failed At
It is never easy to accept the success of another at something we have put our efforts in, but failed.
It means that what we once thought we are over, is actually something that still bothers us.
It is not the others’ success that hurts, but the pain of being reminded of our own failure that truly breaks our hearts (again).
How you can deal with such feelings productively?
- Understand that there’s more than one way to work towards something you want to achieve; You may have tried one (or more) way of reaching your goal, but those weren’t all that you could.
- Recognize that you still have a burning desire to achieve that goal.
- Ask yourself: “What are some other ways (that I have never dared to try before) that I can work at to get where I want to?”
Truth is, we give up not because pursuing is hard;
We give up because giving up is rather easy.
3. Evidence Of Good In The World
We might come up with a bunch of assumptions towards what makes us jealous, only to calm ourselves when we are forced to be in the presence of what we lack.
Ironically, we may try to point out the bad in such situations, when it actually is an opportunity for us to believe in the good that exists.
It is not the seeking of negatives that hurt us, but facing the reality of the abundance of positives that we initially doubted that truly hurts.
How you can deal with such feelings productively?
- Understand that if it exists for someone else, you can make it a reality for yourself also.
- Consciously rewire yourself to see through what’s right as opposed to what’s not.
- Ask yourself: “How (and what) can I learn from this situation to create such a reality for myself?”
Perhaps, this is the world’s way of telling you that you (too), can have what you have been after.
Jealousy is an emotion that demands not only to be felt, but it also demands that we gain insights from such difficult feelings.
We can only move towards light by acknowledging and paying attention to the darkness within us.
The next time you find yourself consumed by such feelings, ask yourself the right questions, and when the answers make themselves clear to you, allow yourself to be guided by those truths.
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