Becoming Aware Of Your Intentions Is Your Only Way Out Of Your Dilemma
3 Powerful thoughts to help you make a choice.
No matter how much we crave choices, having them also puts us through difficult moments, especially when we know that we must act on one among all.
The opportunity cost that is linked to each of our choices, has a subtle (yet powerful) way of haunting us.
While being at the crossroads that life inevitably offers us, we take on the responsibility for our choices;
And that means that the more we think about the impact the consequences of making such choices might have on us, the more we find ourselves spiraling in a dilemma.
However, while we may often be hung up on the outcomes our choices might have in store for us, our intentions patiently wait for us to tap into them.
Here are 3 thoughts to reflect on, when trying to pick between choices for your course of action:
1. The Right Course Of Action Is Right Even If It Doesn’t Carry An Explicit Desirable Outcome For You
Yes, we are innately self-oriented beings, and everything we do is done with the intention of benefiting from it, in some way or the other.
If you’ve been into watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, perhaps you’d be able to relate to the episode where Phoebe and Joey argue over how “there is no such thing as a selfless good deed.”.
Well, as true as that is, it is also true that the truly right choices are the ones where we are able to think beyond ourselves;
It doesn’t mean that those choices won’t benefit us in any way at all;
But it means that instead of focusing on the benefit, we can choose to focus our intention on serving another purpose.
Essentially, this is a productive way to detach from the expectations we create for ourselves, and it takes constant reinforcement through different contexts, but it is doable.
The point isn’t to try to chalk out how exactly are our desires going to be met through a particular choice;
But to arrive at a choice that is right, simply because it is;
That it is the means and the end, in and off itself.
As Steve Maraboli quoted:
“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.”
At the end of it all, we’re all looking for happiness through the choices we make, and doing the right things just because they are right, doesn’t always take us to a happy place, but it’s right nevertheless, and for what it’s worth — we might just end up growing stronger from it.
2. The Right Course Of Action May Not Offer A Sense Of Certainty
When we are trying to arrive at a choice, what we are really trying to do is gather some sort of certainty.
It is easier to see through something, when we are certain of what the outcome of such a choice could be.
But the more uncertain we feel about the outcomes, the more convenient we find to remain in a state of dilemma.
The truth however is, that no matter how much we try, no evidence in the world can offer us the certainty we seek, because:
· Our apprehensions are a construct of our mind.
· The variables involved in our situation and context are worlds different (and unique) from the variables that were a part of others’ situation and context.
· Trying to fight against the uncertainty is trying to fight against the basic nature of life.
Hanging in our dilemma in hopes of finding signs of certainty does not lead us anywhere;
What’s right for us, requires us to move despite the uncertain, despite the lack of signs we so desperately look for.
As Francis Bacon once quoted:
“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.”
The next time you have doubts, know that it means you’re moving towards certainty, and not away from it.
It’s worth embracing the doubts and uncertainties that our choices offer us, because what’s right will offer a sense of certainty only after having acted on it.
3. The Right Course Of Action May Not Even Feel Right
Too often do we find ourselves trying to “feel” right about a particular choice.
What we don’t account for, is how trying to feel right about a choice is essentially our mind’s defense mechanism to feel protected, and stay within what “feels” comfortable.
More often than not, what’s right for us will require us to act against the comfort and safety we seek.
As Lisa Firestone quoted:
“Feel the feeling, but do the right thing.”
Yes, you are allowed to feel the resistance in the face of what needs to be done regardless;
But despite such a feeling, you can still choose to do the right thing;
Not because it does not feel safe, or easy;
But because it simply is the only right thing to do, in that moment.
When something doesn’t “feel” right, that could very well mean that we need to wire our minds to act anyway, so that we rise to a new understanding what’s right, based on our actions, instead of hanging on to older patterns of thought.
If we can get ourselves into a dilemma, we can also get ourselves out of it.
When you reflect on the above thoughts, you simultaneously choose to reflect on your intentions;
Is your intention focused on chasing an outcome that you desire against all external odds?
Is your intention focused on achieving a sense of certainty in the face of an uncertain life?
Is your intention focused on feeling right at the cost of your own growth?
And once you see through the blind spots in those intentions, you can will yourself to redirect your choices in a way that truly grows you as a person.
To get to where you want to be, understand where you are now;
Because realizing your intentions are your only way towards a choice that truly matters.
The only way to break free from a dilemma, is choosing to understand the intentions that lead to it.
