How Often Should You Touch? Two Famous Sex Therapists Disagree
Divorce rates are spiking in 2020, who to listen to?
I remember when I was a teenager and I got a new puppy. I took the puppy to a training school. The rambunctious little thing was yapping away. All the other puppies sat there silently, well behaved, making me look bad. I was petting the puppy. Trying to soothe her. Wanting her to shut up so the trainer would stop looking at me.
It didn’t work. The trainer singled me out.
“Stop patting your dog,” she said. “If you pat your dog when she is being naughty, you are giving her positive reinforcement for her misbehaviour”.
I stopped patting the dog. Her behaviour eventually improved. In my dog-owning naivety, I had exacerbated the problem through constant physical touch.
Touch is an instinctual part of living. I instinctively touched my puppy to try to calm her down. Our parents likely instinctively touched us when we were sad, trying to reassure us. It’s surprising then that when it comes to how frequently we should touch our partners, two famous sex therapists feud over their drastically different opinions.
One famous therapist — John Gottman — thinks the more touch the better. Touching each other more (e.g. holding hands…
