How to fail fast

When NOT to push to be better and better

Becky Searls
Aug 8, 2017 · 7 min read

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger…

…Work it harder; Make it better; Do it faster; Makes us stronger…

My mantra for the past decade has basically been the lyrics of this beloved Daft Punk song. I’ve firmly believed that if I just work harder, do things faster, and generally do more it will make things better and better and I will get stronger.

This orientation towards always pushing, striving, and straining forward has applied to everything from how I approach my classroom teaching to my exercise routine and eating habits to my use of down time.

Coming off of 4 weeks in the Andes mountains as part of a Fulbright-Hays Group Project Abroad, exploring themes of the common good and reclaiming traditional ways of knowing and living that often are opposed to our western, sometimes very linear philosophy and understanding of what is “best” has caused me to pause and question that previously unexamined orientation towards relentlessly pushing forward a bit more.

Taking a break to simply Be at Pisac, an Incan Agricultural Terrace in the Andes Mountains in Peru’s Sacred Valley.

I’m also wrapping up about 14 months of sabbatical travel and exploration. As I struggle to integrate all that I observed and learned in my own time traveling along with the deep and challenging notions I am still riddling out from the intensive seminar in South America this summer, I am surprised to notice that maybe my ideas concerning growth mindset are evolving.

A few shots from my time in Ecaudor and Peru.

A mind-blowing example of how different the ways of thinking can be in the Andes continues to come back to me (in a very cyclical, Andean fashion). It concerns the nature of time and space. First, consider what is likely your typical western philosophy if you are reading this in the USA. We consider the future to be in front of us, right? As in, we walk forward into the future, and the past is behind us. Simple as that.

Or is it?

Maybe not. The Andes cosmovision suggests that time and space are cyclcial. In this way of knowing, the past is in front of you. Why is this? Well…try to wrap your mind around this: you’ve already lived through your past, right? So, you could argue that it is already known to you — thus you can see it, access it, and it’s laid out in front of you, fully visible. Meanwhile, your future is behind you. Huh? Well, stick with me here: your future is behind you because it has yet to happen — meaning it is unknowable and shrouded in mystery (you can’t yet see what will happen-it’s still unknown). So, in the Andes, people walk forward into the past, and backward into the future.

Concepts of Time and Space, which are are Linear in Western Philsophy, are Cyclical in the Andes Cosmovision.

Like I said…this was and continues to be a completely radical shift in my concept of time, space, and the nature of what we know, can know, and are able to control in life. I mean…if I can’t see the future, because it’s still behind me, essentially unknowable — then why would I waste any time anxiously ruminating over what will happen? It’s simply behind me (still counterintuitive to even type that), invisible as of yet, and that’s that. No need to ceaselessly strive to control what will happen — what will be will be, and I can’t know what that is…yet.

Perhaps an easier way to wrap your mind around what I’m saying is demonstrated in this great resource I stumbled across recently: The other F word: Conversations about Failure (a podcast all about “taking the shame out of Failure…and exploring what makes us human…[it includes] Messy, funny, tragic, inspiring stories about failure” find it on iTunes). I just listened to episode 42 with Robin Finn on the Pressure for Perfection in Parenting.

It was interesting to hear Robin articulate how she had always assumed that her general competency at life and work would translate into being a competent parent, only to discover that her children, who all had some sort of out-of-the-box learning or personality trait, did not always display the positive behaviors she wanted, often because it was not in their power to do so (for example due to struggling with impulsivity or hyperactivity in the classroom). She struggled for years to try to “fix” whatever “problems” they had before realizing that this fixer orientation was leading to an inability to fully accept them for who they were, hyperactivity and all, and let go of the intangible sense she was holding on to of how she should be as a parent or how they should be as her children.

This story resonated with me, even though I’m not a parent, because I think I hold very tightly to a lot of (mostly unexamined) assumptions about what it means to do life right. I can be pretty rigid and judgmental, I realize, both towards others and myself, when I feel like something isn’t being done correctly or optimally. I think this might stem from a sort of rigid-about-relentlessly-growing-mindest. If that can be a thing. I guess I’m just pushy. But ultimately I think I push because I fear that alternative to pushing forward would be failure.

In general, it’s safe to say we all fear failure. I know I do. We fear the shame it will bring, which is actually really interesting because most of that shame is self-imposed.

How do I know that? Well…I spend all day every day (as do you) with other people, who are just humans, doing their best, but often falling short (just like me). The difference between how I treat them and how I treat myself is as simple as this:

I assume the best of others’ intentions and efforts, whereas I judge and criticize my own efforts relentlessly.

I am my own worst enemy. I don’t give myself permission to be human, make mistakes, and yes, even fail. See this blog post in which, by 8:30 AM, I had beaten myself up for no less than 6 mess-ups that morning. Would I have done this to someone else? Or would I have been understanding, and probably forgiving; maybe even tried to help them out somehow?

Additionally I think there is a lesson to be learned here from my husband’s area of expertise, software development and consulting. He councils his clients and employees over and over again to take risks, try new things, iterate on their ideas quickly, and, often, fail fast. Notice he does not advise them to avoid failure or hide from its possibility, but rather to lean into it and embrace that it’s probably going to happen. This is in no way a way of letting developers off the hook and permitting them to phone it in, either. Rather, it’s an awknowledgment that even the most competent individuals will face problems whose solutions are tricky and not immediately obvious. Furthermore, it’s an acceptance that it’s okay.

All this to say: there is absolutely a time and place to strive, push, and really focus in on cultivating a growth mindset. Particularly in educational contexts where the alternative — a fixed mindset — is a danger that could become an ingrained sense of self for students. However, there is also a time and place to stop pushing so hard. This could be true in any and every area of life. Take a rest day. Eat some chocolate. Sleep in. Read a book for pleasure. Spend quality time with a loved one. Leave work on time. And don’t feel like you’re somehow doing it wrong by doing this. You are simply giving yourself permission to be human — which you are anyway. Just be.


Check out my other publications, MapMates for more details about my traveling sabbatical and TeachingTheAndes for more about my Fulbright grant to South America this summer and all that I learned!

Follow me on Twitter:

@beckyjoy

Find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/MapMates ← lots of pictures of my school visits around the world!

https://www.facebook.com/BetterBecky ←this is a new page but I will be using it more and more in tandem with this publication!

Better and Better

A publication about growth mindset, self-knowledge & improvement, and optimizing your life!

Becky Searls

Written by

Observations and insights on life and growth from a former Spanish teacher in transition. Into food, fitness, mindset, learning, & travel. 🥩🏃‍♀️💪🏋️‍♀️🤓📚✈️

Better and Better

A publication about growth mindset, self-knowledge & improvement, and optimizing your life!

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