Singular They is Here to Stay

How to make your writing more inclusive of him, her and they

As humans, we’re constantly learning and evolving. And guess what? So is language. It’s adapting to the times. Think of “email” or “Internet” — anything within technology really — it’s a new aspect of our language that was introduced only a couple decades ago. While people can be slow to adopt new language, all of these words have become a regular part of our daily lives.

But language is not just evolving with tech, though. Go back in time with me for a moment. A great example of language evolution is you.

We use the second-person you all the time. But this interpersonal pronoun was once reserved for groups of people or the likeness of a king. Eventually non-royals started to see it as a respectful way to refer to one another, and despite a lot of boohooing among those who wanted to preserve “thou,” “thee,” and “thy,” the commoner’s singular you took hold.

Fast forward and we are facing another pronoun crossroads: singular they. If you think about it, we regularly use singular they in casual conversation, as in, “They cut me off!” Most likely multiple drivers did not cut you off at the same time. So while we speak with the singular they, grammar nerds have considered the pronoun unfit for most writing.

Today, there are two widely acceptable uses of singular they in written form. First use is in place of he or she when gender is irrelevant to the context. For example: Ask each employee what they want to order for lunch. The second use is when gender is unknown. For example: Did they leave a message?

Now singular they is taking on a new use as the pronoun of choice for someone who doesn’t identify as male or female — someone who’s non-binary.

For all those grammar nerds I mentioned earlier, they’re starting to change their minds. In 2015, the American Dialect Society voted singular they as the “Word of the Year.” The American Copy Editors Society also pushed for the singular they during their annual conference that year. And The Washington Post’s copy desk announced the paper would allow the use of singular they in articles.

Needless to say, 2015 was a big year for grassroots efforts. And it paid off because in 2017, the AP Stylebook and Chicago Manual Style approved the use of singular they in both informal and formal writing. But the biggest news came two years later in 2019 when the singular they was officially added to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary!

So how should you use singular they in your writing? Here’s a quick journey of how I’ve incorporated singular they, and full disclosure, I used to be one of those grammar nerds who was a stickler about the plural they. I did not adapt to the singular they quickly nor easily. Here we go. . .

Back in the day, my writing might have sounded something like this:

Follow up with the IT Director; he can help you find the right document.

Yuck! The male default. This is so not cool, especially coming from a female-identifying writer. So then I tried to be more equal in my writing:

Follow up with the IT Director; he or she can help you find the right document.

This is a little better, but it emphasizes a binary equality. And to add insult to my writing injury, most clients tried to shorten it to (s)he or s/he, which is just terrible and hurts my eyes. Because of that, I started to dip my toe in the singular they:

Follow up with the IT Director; they can help you find the right document.

This is grammatically correct and a case where gender is irrelevant to the context of the copy. However, if I wanted to add gender neutrality to that sentence I could:

Follow up with the IT Director; they is available to help you find the right document.

I know this feels like a bit of a snag, but it’s grammatically correct. Besides, it gives you valuable insight into the IT Director, who most likely identifies as non-binary. Hmmm, good to know! But if you’re still wary of utilizing singular they, that’s totally fine. You can take pronouns out of your professional writing all together:

Follow up with the IT Director if you’re having trouble finding the right document.

And here I want to give a special shoutout to all those non-royals who put in the work to make the singular you in that sentence the norm! Woohoo!

Today, we’re the ones helping language evolve. I hope you see this evolution as more than being grammatically right or wrong, but take it as an opportunity to be mindful of the people we’re writing about and for.