Habits / Confidence

These 3 Bad Habits Destroying Your Confidence

Here’s how to be different instead of better — and be more confident as a result

Zohvib

Published in

Better Habits

8 min readMar 25, 2024

Illustration created by the author, inspired by the topic.

You clicked this article. That’s not random. You’re here for a reason.

You’re after that elusive beast we call “confidence.”

You want it, need it, but somehow, it’s slipping away. Why?

Bad habits. We all have them.

They gnaw at your self-esteem. Day in, day out.

They’re doing a number on your confidence.

Think about it. You’re not born lacking confidence.

You develop habits that squash it. Like termites eating at a wooden structure, these habits are your downfall.

Please don’t take my word for it. Listen to the experts. Brené Brown, a renowned psychologist, said,

“We either own our stories, even the messy ones, or we stand outside of them.”

What’s she saying?

Own up to your habits. Acknowledge them. And change your story.

You’re in control here. Yes, you are. But sometimes, we get stuck in what I call “Confidence Drains.”

You know the drill:

You wake up → Think about your worries → Let others plan your day → Lose focus → End in a cycle of doubt and inaction.

Sound familiar?

These habits are eating away at you. And your confidence is the first victim.

So, what now? We tackle them. One by one. Strip them apart. And rebuild your confidence.

Stick with me. We’re about to jumpstart your journey to unshakeable confidence.

Ready?

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1. Excessive Worrying

So, you find yourself wrapped up in worry, huh?

Worry about work, relationships, or simply the unknown. You’re not alone.

This habit of overthinking can be a prison, trapping your mind in endless loops of negativity.

Ever experienced this:

You encounter a problem → You overanalyze it → Dread sets in → You can’t decide what to do → You do nothing.

It’s a cycle, a never-ending circle, if you will. I call this the “Worry Cycle.”

Once you’re in it, getting out seems almost impossible.

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Susan M. Orsillo says,

“Worry often gives you a sense of urgency; an illusion of problem-solving, but it’s just noise.”

See what she means? You’re confusing mental chaos with action, and guess what? They’re not the same.

Let’s be real. Excessive worrying is like a leech. It drains your energy, your mood, and even your health.

It’s not something you’re born with, but it is a behavior that can be unlearned. So, how do you break free?

Step one: Recognize it. Be aware of it.

As self-help guru Tony Robbins points out,

“The first step to transforming your life is awareness.”

Admit that you’re stuck in this Worry Cycle. That’s half the battle.

Next, halt the mental gymnastics. Visualize it.

Picture a huge, glaring STOP sign whenever your mind starts to spiral. Just nip it in the bud right there.

Here’s another method: Write it down.

Dr. Sarah Edelman, a well-known psychologist, explains that the act of writing can slow down your thought processes and offer you new perspectives.

So, grab a notebook or open a new doc on your computer, and let your worries flow onto the page.

See them for what they are — often, they’re much less daunting when out in the open.

So, what’s the next step? Action, my friend. Once those worries are down in black and white, confront them.

What can you control? Focus on that.

The rest? Let it go.

You’re not a superhero. You can’t control the universe, but you can control how you react to it.

Ready for some homework? Test these steps out. You have the tools; you just need to use them.

The key to defeating worry isn’t some grand revelation; it’s action.

Consistent, persistent action.

2. Letting Others Make Decisions for You

Ah, the joy of outsourcing decisions!

Who doesn’t love the safety net of letting someone else call the shots?

As Shakespeare once mused,

“To thine own self be true.”

So, why the heck are we all playing ‘Simon Says’ with our lives?

Picture this: You’re staring down the barrel of a decision. The anxiety kicks in.

You fire off a text to a friend or family member, asking, “What would you do?” They shoot back with their two cents, and voila, you go with it.

Harmless? Think again!

The more you rely on other people’s decisions, the more you’re sidelining your own instincts. Your inner compass starts to collect dust, and soon you can’t even find north.

So you end up in this Groundhog Day of second-guessing, which goes something like:

You’re not sure → You seek guidance → You follow the guidance → You question the outcome → Rinse and repeat.

But there’s a way out of this rerun.

Steve Jobs said,

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.”

But how can you do great work if you’re not even making your own decisions?

Here’s your escape route:

Stop treating advice like it’s a commandment. It’s a suggestion, not a life sentence.
Play the Decision-Making Game. Simple stuff like picking tonight’s dinner or the movie to stream can flex those decision-making muscles.
Embrace the bumps. Messing up is better than freezing up.

Look, I get it, life’s complicated.

You’re going to hit some decision-making potholes. But you’ll also pave your own path, filled with choices that are authentically yours.

So the next time you’re pondering…

“What should I do?”

Slap yourself on the back and say…

“I’ve got this!”

Because you totally do.

3. Lack of focus and productivity

Compounding requires consistent efforts in one direction one day at a time for years.

Sounds easy, yet a staggering 90% never tap into the power of compounding because they’re sidetracked. Distracted, 90% of the time.

You feel unfulfilled and unproductive even after working the entire day because you keep yourself busy in work, you don’t actually put in the work.

There is a difference!

If you work a lot and still don’t get anything done you are stuck in what I say ‘Hidden loops’

You are stuck in one of these Hidden loops:

You sit to work → Get a notification → Check the phone → End in an infinite loop of social media until you get frustrated.

You pick up your phone to check OTP → Open Twitter → Instagram → Snapchat → WhatsApp → Get lost in nowhere → Feel like doing nothing.

You go to YouTube to find a solution → An eye-catching thumbnail lures you in → You overdose on information → Return to work with zero enthusiasm → Back to YouTube you go.

David Allen, the productivity guru, once said,

“Your brain, once distracted, wants to stay distracted.”

It’s true.

Distraction is a drug for your brain. You give it a bit of distraction and now that’s all it wants. It turns into a monkey mind.

Now you can’t expect it to focus!

For your mind to laser-focus on what truly matters, it needs peace, not chaos.

And guess what…

Achieving major tasks doesn’t require endless hours — it just demands four hours of focused, undistracted work. That’s right, just four hours.

If you wake up at 7 and don’t even glance at your phone until lunchtime, you’ll knock out 80% of your work.

Learn to ignore your phone. Let it buzz, let it ring. Let it do the cha-cha for all you care. Just don’t touch it.

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”

Bruce Lee once advised.

Now, comes to the tools.

Using new tools every day makes you feel productive, using the right tools every day makes you productive.

Find tools that block distractions.

Finding it hard to stop scrolling?

Keep your phone in black-and-white mode. Find how to do it for your phone on the Internet.

Finding it hard to not watch YouTube videos?

Use ‘Unhook’ — A Free extension that blocks your YouTube recommendations. You cannot afford to not use social media until noon?
Use social media on your PC, not your phone! Do you work but still don’t feel productive?
Use ‘Sunsama’ to visualize your productivity.

I personally use Sunsama, and it’s like a personal assistant who’s read every productivity book under the sun.

No kidding. It’s like having Tim Ferriss and Tony Robbins rolled into a neat little app.

So, here’s my actionable tip for you; don’t just take my word for it. Dive in and give Sunsama a try.

You can use 100 different tools but the biggest tool is your determination and it is within you.

Without it, you will never be motivated to use any tool.

Next, segment your work.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed when you have multiple things to focus on.

Ideally, you should only work on one thing but the world is not ideal.

When you have multiple things to work on you need to segment your work!

When you are working on X don’t jump randomly to Y. If you keep jumping from X to Y and Y to X, you will not get anything done!

Don’t think about Y when you are working on X and vice versa.

→ 2 hours for X
→ 2 hours for Y

And you will still have enough time left to explore Z and W that you might have.

You can get one layer deep and can even prioritize tasks in ‘X project’ and focus on one sub-task at a time.

You get the point!

Find your 4 hours!

Be loyal to these 4 hours and it will give you everything you need!

So here’s the deal. Your lack of focus isn’t a character flaw. It’s a habit.

And habits can be broken. You’ve got the spotlight.

Where will you shine it? The choice is yours, my friends.

In Closing

Life’s too short for regret.

Your ambitions deserve the best of you. No more pulling punches.

You’ve got the tools. Sunsama and all. I swear by it, and you should too.

Your daily grind? It’s a goldmine, not a trap. Dig wisely.

Henry Ford said,

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t — you’re right.”

Well, think you can. Because guess what? You absolutely can.

New horizons are just a decision away. Today’s the day. Seize it, mold it, own it. Tomorrow will thank you.