Indian Women — No Right to Say No!

Another Gang Rape in Mumbai, India

60 hours after the arrest of all the alleged perpetrators in India’s latest gang rape case (Also see this link to the horrific New Delhi case which led to street protests), India is no closer to making a better society for women. In fact as an observer and foreign male, India’s dialogue that I see in media, is using the wrong words and hiding the deeper problems and attitudes that are prevalent in Indian society today.

This post is about what I both heard, read, and believe to be where India must go if Indian Women are going to gain an equal role in society. It will be another generation in the making.

Take this example of a politician’s response:

After Naresh Agarwal, another Samajwadi Party leader, Abu Azmi has come up with a bizarre remark. Abu Azmi on Saturday equated women to gold.

“Women are precious like gold. If you expose them, they’ll be looted,” said Abu Azmi.

The Samajwadi Party leader further said, “Women should not move around like men late night. They are weak, so they should think before they venture out… Women have freedom to move but only with their family.”

Speaking on the increasing rape incidents in the country, Abu Azmi said, “When villagers come to big cities they see women with lesser clothes and make-ups… that’s why such incidents happen in the country.”

These are the words of a well-known politician. This is fact rather than some fiction. It is what many in India believe, I’m told. Especially, men. As pointed out here ….the headline doesn’t begin… Police seeking 5 men for gang rape. No, the headlines are “photojournalist” focused suggesting PYT or pretty young thing. Then soon after the gang rape coverage started on TV I started seeing headlines like “The Sick Indian Man (TV Video)”, The Sick Indian Male Psyche”, “Men Can’t Contain Their Excitement”.

These are just the types of lines that India’s TV channels, eg. Headlines Today, presented news around. Not one show missed talking the story in terms of “men”, masculinity and the Indian male. Not one program asked why India is failing women? Or how to change it. The voices that spoke out clearly were drowned out in the rhetoric.

When women were discussed it was in the context of “respected women don’t get raped”. Or women need more protection, women shouldn’t expose themselves, and perhaps shouldn’t even be out at night. Comments like these were made by politicians, lawyers, police and respected citizenry.

I don’t know how many times I heard patriarchal society (the constant presence of crimes against women is indicative of a culture rooted in patriarchy and impunity), and also misogyny used as descriptors. What I know is…. that what I was brought up with as an idea “Women have the right to say no!” doesn’t get a mention in India. Instead the headlines persist saying effectively, the Rape Victim brought shame on Mumbai and lumping the commentary around the psyche of the Indian male. Sex and love are seldom tied together in India. Sex is often a right, love is something repressed women hope for. I suspect to admit love is difficult for the Indian male psyche as it may suggest weakness rather than power.

Frankly this is all horrific. Let’s be clear not all Indian males are sick, however, a large majority of Indian males seem to be complicit in accepting such reporting and similar political representation. Yet today I have interviewed young people hoping for love plus arranged marriages. Similarly, I’ve met couples where “equal partners” is actually their ideal and may even be proved by increased economic success.

Equally and never mentioned in the TV programs is the role of women in changing society. While young women are reaching new highs in education and out of home job prospects, these women remain a minority. What happens in the home often stays in the home. And it is from the home, that change will come. When mothers and mothers-in-law change the way they treat and socialize not just their sons (as is being suggested and correctly so), but also their daughters and daughters-in-law, giving them the confidence and the right to say no, change will occur.

“Every Indian man is rapist, or a potential rapist.” I ignored the comment as over the top but a recent report from Government of India concludes that 55% of children and women in India will face sexual abuse. The perpetrator will often be a family member or a close relative and the crime will never be reported. (Source: “Study on Child Abuse: India 2007". Published by the Government of India, Ministry of Women and Child Development)

According to today’s news the photojournalist was not the first raped in the Shaki Mill grounds. News leaks suggest the small gang appears to brag there were four more rapes and they became emboldened when realizing they went unreported.

Much of Indian society still wants to put the clock back. While TV talks to the nation of riches, consumerism, Bollywood and wealth girls are sold and traded for money; still treated as chattels and possessions. In fact too often a baby girl is still seen as “somebody else’s” wealth (paraya dhan). There is a drive to stop female foeticide — I was recently in two hospitals and saw signs saying no sex determination tests would be permitted. See this view that includes gender bias.

In such a society how can India even hope to effect change?

The first point of contact must be with today’s youth. Over 50% of india’s population is under 25 years old. Yet the TV news guests were filled with old politicians, lawyers, and movie stars. Their language often sadly out of touch with the rapid evolution of society. I did not hear the young speak, we don’t hear the problems in their colleges, or how mother and mother-in-law prepare a child (son or daughter) to go off to college. We don’t hear how children think their mother was repressed or how often it was a life of hell. It’s simply too honest, too near to the truth to face up to. And importantly, being open is to lose face. No one wants to be the “rape victim” that lives in apartment 27. No one wants the police, and the shame. For each case that goes reported 100’s must go unreported. Today’s youth are potentially the first generation really educated and growing together. Only they can turn shame into indignation.

The right to say NO! There is no dialogue or sentence that more aptly sums up the change that is required. Until “the right to say no” permeates society, no relationship is safe or built on respect and understanding. There should be ad campaigns, and there must be school programs. The latter, very difficult in a country so split by views, parties and religion. Yet without moving the empowerment into schools, public policy, and change there is no hope that a young mother today will bring up her son or daughter to expect any different. There’s no chance that the “love arranged” marriage will stand up or rewrite the rules of the home. Where sons are often treated like gods and daughters like ‘commoners’. Without the mother’s strong arm, the sons won’t change and the daughters cycle of fear will continue. The right to say no requires an understanding by both men and women. It’s also an accepted approach by the United Nations. See also Every Woman’s Right to Say ‘No’ a case at Jawaharlal Nehru University.

Simple Message: While education is helping to empower India overall, in parallel, is a world of advertising macho stereotypes, increasing disparity in the cities, where wealth chases wealth and wealth yields power. The long challenging climb to the top, is a crawl to power, influence, money. It remains mastered by a few men, and often, these newly successful wealthy are often illiterate in the ways of social justice, empowerment, or even the rights of others. It is me me, better me first.

This exists in business, as well as in the home. The right to say no suggests “feelings”, “values”, “behaviors”. As India rushes forward to (I hope) a better future it needs a singular message that helps it remember the past and create a better society out of the chaos of rapid change. Arming youth with an understanding of NO, that means NO! will create new opportunities for both sexes without a language of looks, stares, and groping and lead to a healthier conversation and society.

How might we bring this to life?

Importantly a “NO!” campaign remains simple and easy to remember. It could easily be promoted via schools, government, women’s help groups, birthing clinics, and in the workplace. See also this editorial view.

Note: This is not a subject I would normally write about or even feel particularly informed about. Yet as a foreigner who has been visiting India since 2005, I’ve traveled and visited many homes, both in cities and in villages often as a market researcher. While I’ve never knowingly met a rape victim here I’ve heard young bride’s stories, and talked to youth about life, love and their future. From those that still dream I don’t hear or see the behavior that is playing out more and more on the streets. So visiting now and staying a short walk away from where the gang rape happened in Mumbai, I found myself consuming and debating the local TV coverage. I found the reporting and TV shouting matches to be shallow, compromised from the beginning, non-constructive, and generally abhorrent. Pointing fingers is not the way to solve the problem. Similarly shouting loudest won’t work either unless you want a coverup. The prime minister didn’t stand up, Sonia Gandhi barely murmured a word. Their power remains locked in the past and youth is divorced from politics for the most part. So I felt determined to add my little protest and perspective.

Stuart Henshall.