An Antidote To Self Pity

Liz Sumner
Mar 2, 2016 · 2 min read

I got bad news this morning. I missed an opportunity because someone hadn’t heard from me and went with another person.

But I had responded immediately! The email did not arrive (or she missed it).

I had done everything right. It’s not fair. It’s not my fault.

I’m feeling disappointed, and helpless, and sorry for myself.

I’m telling myself, “It’s the universe telling you it wasn’t meant to be.” “It wasn’t a good fit.” “Let it go.”

I’m searching for where I screwed up– what I could have done differently.

Should I have followed up sooner? Perhaps, but the potential client was traveling and I had the impression the project wasn’t urgent.

I didn’t want to seem pushy.

1. Turn up the “She’d be happy to hear from me” meter. Believe that an inquiry from me is not an intrusion. It could be a useful reminder, a pleasant show of interest, or simply neutral. All are more likely than an annoyance.

2. Improve my system for evaluating potential projects. I was kinda waiting to see what might develop with this opportunity– open to, but not creating scenarios of how we might work together. Maybe the fact that I wasn’t actively generating ideas should have signaled me to turn up the energy or turn it off.

3. Tweak my follow-up system. I have a good CRM that I don’t use as effectively as I could. It gives me reminders that I sometimes ignore. And any database is only as good as the data you put in. I could have checked in with the client sooner.

So in conclusion, fault, schmault. Like most things in life I can learn from this, and insight is an antidote to self-pity.

Better Humans

Better Humans is a collection of the world's most trustworthy writing on human potential and self improvement by coaches, academics, and aggressive self-experimenters. Articles are based on deep personal experience, science, and research. No fluff, book reports, or listicles.

Liz Sumner

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Living in a palazzo in central Italy, singing with a jazz band whenever possible, and coaching women who want to start valuing themselves more.

Better Humans

Better Humans is a collection of the world's most trustworthy writing on human potential and self improvement by coaches, academics, and aggressive self-experimenters. Articles are based on deep personal experience, science, and research. No fluff, book reports, or listicles.