How to Read BuzzFeed

A 7-step guide to surviving the Internet’s biggest collection of horrifyingly random lists. 

You’re bored. It’s a day that ends in a “y.” Maybe you’ve already read the latest Cracked.com articles and even went through and commented on every single CrossFit editorial Medium has to offer. Now you’re left with a choice. Read BuzzFeed, or be forever stuck trying to find your own pictures of pets making faces.

1. Do not be fooled by their attempts to connect with you and your generation. The probability that a woman in her 20s wrote this list is 0%. Same goes for the person who saw someone pretend to be OCD on TV and made a list about it.
2. Skip the captions on cute animal posts. It takes some practice, but soon you can reduce anxiety by ignoring whatever someone spent 10 seconds thinking up and instead just flooding your brain (and your Pinterest!) with image after image of disgruntled Boston terriers.
3. Never watch the videos. Unless you absolutely love power-points set to music.
4. See an editorial? Just read the title. All you need to know about people being upset about vibrator taxes is that people are upset about vibrator taxes.
5. Stop reading it on your phone. The animated GIFs all require you to tap and you’re just left with the freaking captions. Go read some more horse_ebooks instead.
6. Dear God don’t read the comments. Complete sentences? Yes. Reasonable conversations? No.
7. Fine, look at the collections of shirtless male actors. Sorry dudes and lesbians, it’s sexist to want to see photos of Christina Hendricks unless we’re specifically targeting her eyebrows. But have you seen Nev Schulman’s chest hair? It’s not 100% disgusting at all!

Do you love the BF? Hate it? Have other tips for surviving a website you’re going to visit 5 times a day regardless? Leave a note!