Why Being Real Terrifies Us

We live in a world where we are scared to be who we are and let others get a glimpse of that realness. We stay and keep everything surface level, and sometimes even brag about this too by telling people that know one REALLY knows us. It has become a badge of honor that you can hide everything negative about yourself but bring to light all of your flashy accomplishments.

The real side is what feels great, but we can’t get there because we let our fears control us. Life is messy, we have things that happen to us that change how we think, act and trust but it is up to us to reverse this damage. No one will do it for us!

Why People Are Scared to Just Be What They Are

I Am Scared They Will Judge Me

It is so easy to sit back and just run your mouth about other people all day. I have fallen into this trap many times in my life. The only way I can get myself out of this is to see the greatness in others that most don’t see. Most people lock on one negative thing they don’t like about a person, and they stay on that thing forever, no matter what that person does.

We have created a society of individuals who love to tear others down. The issue with this is that people who tear others down think and act as if they are the most confident when in reality they hurt the most inside. When we feel good about ourselves, we only want to help others feel that same way.

Our judgmental ways have put society into smoke screen mode. No matter what is going on in your life, we have to act like everything is all good. We build a wall so that the judgmental people can never get in and talk about us like we talk about others.

I Am Scared of The Mirror

Believe me; it is not easy to look back at the stuff you have done and just say damn something was wrong with me. Pretty much my whole life before the age of 18, I look back on and just shake my head at so many things. I was so lost trying to fit in with expectations. I had to be one way with my parents, one way around friends, one way with girls, one way with a different set of friends, one way with teachers, the changes never stopped.

Looking in the mirror hurts temporarily, but it frees us for life. We don’t have to live our life scared that people will reveal something about us. I learned that when we expose our wrong we can use it to teach and bless others.

Eventually, some choose to wake-up, and we wash our face and realize that we don’t like what we see in the mirror and we either choose to ignore our faults or we decide to change.

Here is what happens after we change:

We can talk about all of our wrongs openly because what occurs in the dark will always come to light, so we just bring it to light because it feels much better coming from us. It takes away power from others because people don’t have anything on us. It is not about putting our dirty laundry out there, it’s about understanding that whether we like it our not the good and the bad has made us who we are!

If we ever want to be authentic, we have to let go of all our highlights for a bit. Stop putting ourselves in a good light, and start showing what is real.

Our lives are a lot like CSI crime scenes. You walk in and with the blind eye you don’t see much. You put a special light on your life, and all you see is blood, sperm and other stuff that you hoped others would never see. Here is the thing, if everyone has the stains, why is that we feel we are the only ones? It is because we are not real!

The idea of having to come to grips with who we are is terrifying, though. We would much rather be what we want to see ourselves as. When we are broke often don’t see it as their fault. We don’t look at how we overspend and buy things they can’t afford just to run from what they are. When we don’t like ourselves we don’t ever have to look in the mirror because we figure if they just talk louder and act more confidently people will never know.

I Am Scared to Lose Control

The devil is smart. He has managed to make us believe the opposite of what is truth. When we are fake with ourselves and the world, we think that we empowered to control our image. We can control what people say and think about us. When in reality we have and NEVER will have such powers.

I care a lot about what people say about me. I want to be liked to a fault. When people don’t like me, it really hurts my feelings deep down and I want to understand why and where I went wrong. I think about it all night like damn what happened. I have to admit that to myself because it helps me remember that I have no control over that. I can be anything, and everything and someone will hate me regardless.

The attempt to control our image through fakeness just fosters depression. How can you honestly say you are happy that every day you have to wake up and put on a mask?

How can you say that you are glad that every single person who knows you has no clue who you are? How can you say that harshly judging and criticizing others feels good? Stop this nonsense!

I’m Scared of Being Held to Higher Standards

What we are is simply a reflection of our past actions; meaning we can make a huge life change at any time because we just have to change our choices. The problem with making the decision to be real is that you hold yourself to a higher standard.

When we reveal our faults and wrongs, we raise the bar, of expectation. Accountability is a great thing that many of us do not use to our advantage.

I used to live to make other people like me. To be adorned by others got me in big trouble quickly. You will do anything to make other people happy, but that is not alway what people need.

When I got real with myself about this, it raised the expectations I had for myself.

How can we want to hold others to high expectations but not ourselves?

I meet guys talking about… I can’t marry a woman that can’t cook, yet they can’t even boil some damn water.

How can we expect more from others than we expect for ourselves?

I expose myself because I demand that I be better than yesterday. I am not authentic for you. I am authentic for me! The more I love me and my life the more I can love others. The easier it is to care about other people because I feel good inside.

I Am Scared of Being Hurt

Real recognizes real. When we are fake, we attract fake people. We think being fake is just being helpful to people who we don’t like. That is what fake has become. It is all about other people, and this is not true.

Fake is portraying an image of yourself that only reflects your good side. Real is expressing exactly what your life is nothing more or less. Some people live a glamourous life, and they can show that off because that is real. If you post a pic and caption it “Just living life, keeping it real and loving it.” When deep down inside you are hurting and border line depressed… That is not authentic!

This slowly destroys everyone around when we do this. The people who look up to us get hurt. The people who love us never learn what we feel. The people who envy us make their lives unhappy because they think everyone else has it better.

I am Scared to Lose What I Have

If we lose something because the truth comes out, we never deserved to have it! Anything we lose as a result of the truth was never ours, to begin with. It will hurt at the time, but later on, after reflection, you realize that this is what is best. Fall in love with that!

Everything we gain from this point going forward will be because of who we are. That feels good! To know that everyone in our life is there because of who we are.

I am Scared to Appear Weak or Needy

The ability to be vulnerable is our greatest strength. It is when we are most human. Those who feel the need always to appear strong even when they are not are the furthest from being in touch with their human self.

Someone who never hurts, or expresses any emotion is hard to connect with for the same reason for someone with a seemingly perfect life. That is not real! That is not how life is and though many aspire for these things they are unattainable. Weak is real.

I laugh when I think of what dating has become now. People can’t like, they can’t love because that is real and not cool. You have to put up a front like you really don’t care so that you never show any vulnerability. If you dare show any, you lose and are now unattractive. WHAT?!?!?! If you’re in high school that is one thing but when grown ass men… I will stop!

Being Authentic is The New Balling

Rappers made balling popular a decade ago. The goal was to stunt on everyone; Which is showing others what you got that they don’t have. The goal now is to stunt on yourself by being better than who you were yesterday. The goal is to ball on the world by being authentic. God made you, and there is no one else out there just like you.

No one can be you better than you so why would you be something else?

When you are doing what you were made to do, you will make a lot of people uneasy and uncomfortable along the way, and that is ok. You are who you are, and the negative makes us just as much as the positive.

Ian Warner is a former Olympian, CEO of FIXT APP and Is Finished Writing His Second Book. If you are interested in being updated on this book, sign up below!