10 Signs You Are A People-Pleaser And How To Stop Being One
You might be a people-pleaser if you relate to most of these signs. Even if you think you are not, keep in mind that sometimes we are just someone’s pleaser, maybe you like to just please your mom, or your partner, because for some reason you can not stand upsetting them.
Being a people-pleaser can be good sometimes. It’s nice to be pleased, so we enjoy pleasing the ones we love the most. Pleasing others makes us feel like a better person. Others might perceive you as considerate, sensitive, and even a good listener.
But people-pleasing is stopping you from loving, trusting, and knowing yourself. You might feel like a better person, but what about being yourself? You have to exchange that temporary satisfaction for life long happiness.
You will not stop overnight, but understanding and recognizing this habit will help you shift your mindset in order to stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself.
Here Are The 10 Signs, You Are A People-Pleaser
1. You worry others will get angry at you for not agreeing with them
You feel responsible for other people’s feelings. You think that if you don’t validate them, you are a bad person. You think that if you bother or annoy someone you are a bad person. The truth is, people are not always going to like how you think or agree with you, and that’s okay. I think people can handle to feel bothered or annoyed sometimes. Because they have to respect that you think, feel, and want different things, even if it bothers them.
2. You don’t feel comfortable sharing your unpopular opinions
You are afraid that your opinion will be undermined or hurt someone else’s feelings. However, this is only affecting yourself. Your opinion does not affect others! Being critical and opinionated shows sincerity and honesty. People know when you just say what they want to hear. So say what you really think and others will know you are honest.
3. You are very afraid of being alone or left-out
You think you need to please others to fit in and to be included. But why would you want to be with people that don’t respect your different opinions? Why would you want to be where you don’t feel comfortable to be yourself?
4. You crave validation from others
You feel better when others agree with you and show you they like you. You doubt your decisions and look for advice often. Sometimes, you just have to validate yourself. You have to be okay with the fact that sometimes you are going to make mistakes. That doesn’t make you less of a good person.
5. Someone else’s opinion of you hits home
You need constant reassurance that others love you. You want others to think that you are a good person. Don’t let other people control how you perceive yourself. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself.
6. You change the way you portray yourself in different social groups
You behave one way with your friends, another way with your family, and so on. You don’t have to say everything that your loved ones want to hear, they should be able to accept when you don’t feel or think the same way they do. If someone really cares about you, that you don’t please their desires will not matter. There is a popular saying that goes:
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seus
7. You say sorry more than you say thank you
You apologize very often because you don’t want to be annoying or make others uncomfortable. But in reality, most of the time, you haven’t done anything wrong. Apart from common courtesy, there is no need to apologize if you haven’t done anything wrong. Try saying thank you instead, to show that you appreciate someone’s patience or inconvenience for you.
8. You run away from conflict
You feel very uncomfortable in confrontations and feel a lot of guilt. You are afraid of saying the wrong thing and end up feeling stupid. You prefer to not complain and to keep to yourself. But bottling things up will only hurt you in the long run. You don’t have to put up with anyone’s b.s. and you deserve to express your feelings. Confrontations don’t have to be a terrible fight if you learn to communicate with that person in a way that is comfortable for both of you.
9. You try your best to not be “a selfish person”
People have convinced you that putting yourself first is selfish and that you are responsible for how others feel. People-pleasing is not kindness, and putting yourself first is not selfish, it’s self-care. You can be kind and not please everyone. Believing that kindness means pleasing others allows them to take advantage of you.
10. You put the needs of others before your own
You always give others the best slice of the pie. You feel a better and kinder person when you take care of others. But don’t forget that you also deserve the best slice of the pie. And if you are not the one to take it, someone else will.
How You Can Stop This Bad Habit
You deserve to feel comfortable enough to speak up when you don’t agree or don’t feel the same way, without worrying that someone is going to get angry or stop loving you. You deserve to feel free to say whatever you feel, think, or want. The ones who truly love you will accept and respect when you don’t please them.
I want you to reclaim your freedom! Putting yourself first will give you all the validation and confidence you need. It doesn’t matter if anyone likes you if you don’t like yourself. You have to learn to be okay with the fact that not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay. I want you to realize you are worth it. If someone cannot find value in your true self, you don’t need them in your life. They can find someone else to be what they want, you don’t have to be that.
Here are a few things you can start implementing in your daily life:
- Stop changing yourself for others
- Stop compromising your character and your personality
- Stand up for what you believe
- Ask for what you want
- Set your boundaries
- Leave where you are not respected or appreciated
- PUT YOURSELF FIRST
Please stop being a doormat for everyone. You are loved and I don’t want that for you. I wish you happiness and self-love. You deserve to please yourself. Feel free to re-read this every time you need it to remind yourself that you are worth it. And if others cannot see that, they can f off.
