5 Ways To Conquer Fear
How to kill Fear?
Fear is that emotion we all have.
Some have it more than others, and some have it less than others.
Nevertheless, it’s a feeling we all want to conquer.
So How do we Kill Fear?
#1 Gradual Exposure
Tiny Steps Take You to The Top of The Tower
I’ve always wanted to do the front flip.
Which is a scary thing to do.
So I went to a parkour gym with soft landing mats.
Even trying to flip on a soft mat was scarier than I thought.
But I progressed from rolls and small jumps to the attempting flips on a soft mat.
As I got confidence and technique I then got the confidence to do it on sand and then even grass.
I used a similar progression for a handspring as shown in the gif:
Yes, I have horrible form, but the focus is on overcoming the fear of doing it on hard surfaces, not the form (I had more progressions in the gif, but Substack doesn’t let me add them)
This was my progression of handspring on concrete:
On a very soft mat with assistance→ Without assistance on a very soft mat → Less soft mat→ Very thin math → No mat/on grass → Mud ground → Concrete.
Fear isn’t overcome in leaps but in tiny steps and little progressions. Start with the smallest progression you know you can do or the step with the least fear of doing, and then progress forward.
#2 Define Your Fears
Sometimes we feel scared but for no real reason.
I remember once when I was scared of something and my friend as me ‘What’s the worst that could happen’
My fear disappeared. I realized there was nothing really to fear
Stoicism has a similar idea, it’s writing down the worst possible outcome.
It’s something that has helped Tim Ferriss who was suicidal before becoming the entrepreneur, author, and podcaster he is today.
He even gave a whole TED Talk on it.
He regularly does fear setting.
He writes down the worst possible outcome he’s afraid of. Then he writes what he can do to prevent it. Then he writes what he can do to reduce or deal with its effects if it does happen.
The worst possible outcome is unlikely.
So if you mentally prepare yourself for the worst, the more likely outcomes which are less bad become easier to deal with. You become mentally prepared.
Counterintuitively fear disappears when you define the worst possible situation.
Just stating what you’re afraid of can reduce the fear.
#3 Have a Reason, Reward, Punishment
Cold DM’ing other people, especially people with more followers, is scary.
What if I get rejected?What if I say the wrong thing? What will they think of me?
Those thoughts along with the fear that had reason were running in my head.
But Tim Denning put up a challenge: If I DM’D a writer I admired within 24 hours, he would send me a free video from his paid course.
I was scared, I only hit send on the DM at the last moment. I did so because I felt getting that reward would change things for me as a writer.
This desire for the reward was higher than my fear, so I hit enter.
And I’m glad I did.
The next day, I got a really positive reply to my dm from the writer. I was afraid for absolutely no reason.
Have a reason to do it. Have a reward. Have a deadline. Have a punishment for not doing it.
#4 Visualization & Association.
I’m embarrassed to admit I was scared of a tuition teacher of mine.
I had heard scary things about him, and he looked scary with a tattoo on one of his giant biceps.
My fear of him vanished from just visualization and positive association.
I would imagine myself entering class, and I would imagine a sense of relaxation when I pictured this tuition teacher. And it worked, I was no more scared of his presence.
Many fears are silly. They’re formed because of a bad incident in childhood, or negative images we form associations with.
For me it was lifts, I had a nightmare and saw a scary movie with a lift, which started my fear of lifts.
It was a huge problem living in an apartment. I needed to take the stairs all the way up.
But self-talk, gradual exposure, and changing associations helped.
Here’s a visualizing template that can help:
It should be personal, positive, present tense, visual, and emotional. When I meet my tuition teacher I will imagine intense relaxation. — (from 7 habits of highly effective people)
Overcoming fear is mostly if not only the mental game and self-talk. It just requires reframing your mind.
So for approaching people, I like repeating lines to myself like:
‘Everyone is friendly’ and ‘People like it when others approach to talk to them’
Which as an introvert has helped me approach people.
So visualize, make positive associations, and have mantras.
#5 Action
“Courage is not a lack of fear, it’s acting in spite of it.”
Don’t expect fear to be absent. You need to do it even with the fear.
As we expose ourselves to the things we fear we become less afraid of them.
We realize what we fear isn’t that bad.
Most of our fears aren’t life and death with lions or hyenas. They’re mostly harmless things we’re worried about — like what other people will think.
I used to be scared of what other people thought about my articles. After One person bluntly stated they found my articles cringe to me in person. I realized it was not that bad.
Doing things with other people can also help. Seeing a peer/ a person of our level do something we’re afraid of can give us confidence.
Begin Now: reply/comment/ dm me one thing you’re scared of and your plan to overcome it
Lastly, Don’t be stupid.
A few years ago, I decided to take my cycle down a 3 ft ledge.
I had never done anything so high before. The combination of a lack of fear and a lack of skill led me to fall flat on my face with my cycle over me.
I hadn’t even done the bare minimum of watching a YouTube tutorial on how to take a cycle down a height.
I progressed nowhere. That’s where fearlessness doesn’t lead to progress but stupidity.
Lesson: whenever you’re facing your fears, you’re doing it for progress, not out of stupidity.
Summary:
- Overcome fear not in a leap, but in tiny progressions.
- Have a reason, reward, or punishment.
- Use Positive self-talk and positive association.
- Visualize it, and have your own mantras.
- Just get the action going and fear will slowly reduce.
- Don’t be stupid.
That’s it for this one.
Begin Now: reply/comment/ dm me one thing you’re scared of and your plan to overcome it.
Thanks for reading. Bye :)
Originally published: https://stickman002.substack.com/p/how-to-kill-fear
