Deep Talk With Your Partner: Why It’s Important, Ideas for Conversations, and More

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

Today we want to discuss a deep talk in a relationship. It’s not something to be afraid of or run away from. Deep talks can be challenging but also beautiful for your romance. Let’s dive into the topic!

What does deep talk mean in relationships?

When it comes to relationships, deep talk can be any meaningful conversation between partners that is beyond the surface level. With deep talks, partners exchange their thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, aspirations, hopes for the future, and past experiences that matter to them. They’re also looking to build a stronger bond and understanding of one another. Deep talks can occur when the couple is going through a tough time and they need to clear the air to move on from certain issues. Deep talks are also involved when a serious decision needs to be made, such as whether to have kids or not, moving to a different state, getting married, etc.

Why is deep talk important for couples?

A proper deep talk is hard to imagine without vulnerability, honesty, and active listening on both parts. It’s during the deep talk that we open up and share our inner thoughts and raw emotions. This is not always easy and requires strong emotional intelligence from lovers.

Couples that are able to have deep talks and carry them out regularly, get the following benefits from this little exercise:

• Stronger emotional bond
• More trust in one another
• Mutual respect
• Better intimacy, both physical and emotional
• Greater empathy
• Connection on a deeper level
• Validation of their experiences and emotions
• Support through challenging times
• Fulfilling relationship
• Genuine connection

In general, if you’re into mindful dating and not after some quick fun, you probably understand the importance of deep conversations. It’s hard to really get to know someone if you keep things light all the time and only ever discuss silly topics. You can feel someone’s vibe that way for sure, but a long-term commitment requires something more than that.

Deep talks help see the world from your crush’s perspective. You get to feel what motivates them, what bothers them, and what their deepest dreams are all about. And the best part — the more you talk about those important things, the better your communication skills become. You need to really listen and process the information when the topic is meaningful, and not just some gossip or chit-chat which makes your ability to converse better and stronger. These skills are essential for healthy communication and issue resolution with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

As a bonus result of you becoming great at communication, the trust between the partners also strengthens. Who are you likely to trust more? Someone who makes you feel heard and accepted, or someone who can barely listen to what you’re saying because they’re distracted all the time? That’s right, naturally, you would be more inclined to trust the person who makes an effort to understand you.

When people can really talk about anything in a constructive manner, no matter how sensitive the subject is, they naturally become better at conflict resolution. When you discuss topics openly, relationship challenges and hurdles seem to go away easier and faster. Not always, for sure, but the correlation is impossible to deny.

Finally, deep talks can help you get through major events that couples with a more shallow bond won’t be able to survive. Things like loss of family members and friends, parenthood, career change, diseases, moving abroad, — all that puts a toll on the romance. Couples that really talk to each other navigate those life transitions with more grace and less breaking up.

Deep talk ideas and examples

Now, let’s look into real-life examples of deep topics to talk about. The ideas and questions we’ve included here will help you strengthen the bond with your perfect match, and they’re also great for when you’re only getting to know the person. Throw a few of them in the mix next time you meet, or send them to the dating chat to get the ball rolling.

Relationships

Here’s what you can start with if you want to have a real talk about your relationship.

• What are your preferred love languages? Mine are..
• What do you think about the concepts of soul mates and twin flames?
• What is the key for you in a romantic relationship?
• What does a perfect future with a partner look like for you?
• Is there anything in particular you find very attractive in your romantic partners?
• What was the thing that drew you to me at first?
• Do you have any favorite memories about us?
• What do you think we have in common, and what is the polar opposite?
• What would you change about our relationship if you had a chance to start over?
• Is slow dating better than jumping right into things or vice versa?
• What are your thoughts on dating online and offline?

Family

Talking about family can be tough, especially if you or your partner are not close with the rest of the family, or if there’s been a loss of parents, or the person is an orphan. Still, it’s a critical element of deep conversations.

• What memory do you cherish the most from your childhood?
• What parent are you closer with? Why?
• Would you raise your kids the same way your parents did? What would you change?
• How do you imagine your perfect family?
• What is your take on kids? Birthed or adopted?
• Do you think grandparents are better off in a nursing home, with the rest of the family, or in their own homes? Why?

Future

Here are a few conversation starters about the future.

• What would your perfect retirement look like? Where would you be? What would you be doing?
• Do you have a dream home in mind? What does it look like?
• Where on the planet would you like to live if money and other limitations weren’t a problem?
• What does your dream future look like?

Career and aspirations

You can tell a lot about a person by what they dream about doing and achieving professionally.

• If you had all the money in the world, what would you like to work on?
• If you could run any non-profit organization, which one would you choose?
• Do you like your current career path? What would you change or stick to?
• Would you prefer to be famous or wealthy?

Money

Money is the main reason for divorce, so in the Once team’s humble opinion, every couple needs to have money conversations before they seal the deal and get serious.

• What are your main financial goals?
• Are you more of a spender or a saver?
• What do you think about debt?
• Do you plan your retirement? What do you do?
• Did you make any financial mistakes in the past that haunt you till today?
• What is something that is always worth / not worth spending money on?

Sex

We need to talk about sex more! This is such a taboo topic for many, yet it’s a vital part of our lives and it cannot be ignored. We often don’t realize how shying away from sex talk cripples our relationships and keeps us unsatisfied.

• What is your one sex fantasy that you really want to try?
• What are your thoughts on sexting and exchanging nudes?
• How would you like me to please you in the bedroom next time?
• Is there anything about our sex life you’d like to change? Or maybe introduce something new? What is it?

Philosophical

Pour yourself a drink, dim the lights, and prepare to have hours-long discussions, and, possibly, an accidental existential crisis. Or maybe an enlightenment!

• How would you change your life today if you could live forever?
• How would you change your life today if you knew you’d be dead in a year?
• Do you think everyone/everything deserves forgiveness?
• These days, we look back at the Middle Ages and shriek in horror. What do you think will cause similar reactions from people in 200–300 years?
• If you had to amputate arms or legs, which one would you pick and why?
• Which one of the senses would you let go if you had to choose one? Why?
• Do you think a book can change the way you see the world and live? Do you have a book like that? What ideas in it were transformative for you?

Miscellaneous

Last but not least, we’ve gathered a selection of questions to ask and topics to discuss that don’t fall under any particular category but are worth covering nonetheless, especially if you’re into conscious or intentional dating.

• What do you like to do when you’re alone?
• What is the worst part about traveling, in your opinion?
• Do you have any pick-me meals or activities?
• When were you most proud of yourself in the past?
• Do you think lying is okay? If so, in what circumstances?
• What’s your stance on the latest politics in the US?
• If you could only help homeless people or stray animals, who would you pick and why?
• Do you think it’s easier to raise boys or girls?
• What do people like about you the most?
• What industries do you think need to have more funding or attention from the public?

Originally published at https://www.getonce.com.