Is Being Funny Sexy?
Some say no, but a resounding number say yes
“I’m a funny guy, but I never get any. Why?” teh_wut
“Because of questions like this.” defcon_clown
I know there are people wondering if funny people aren’t hiding something. Like are they secretly gay, clinically depressed, or simply fixated on why they’re not getting laid? As someone on Reddit pointed out, “The mystery to me is why funny women aren’t attractive.”
I find Sarah Silverman terribly attractive, and very funny.
She did a great bit on Conan Live! where she put her cellphone on vibrate, called herself, then held the phone to her crotch.
I could go for a woman like her, unless she called herself all the time.
That still doesn’t explain this whole “Is being funny sexy?”
Here’s the problem. If you date someone who’s funny, will you ever take them seriously? What if I could never take Sarah Silverman seriously? I’m not saying I want to take her seriously, but I’d like to think there’s more to Sarah than a few good jokes and whatever’s in her fridge.
That took me back to Reddit again, where I learned that the best part of being with a funny person is they care. Consciously or subconsciously, they’re givers. That in itself is sexy. We like givers, especially during sex.
Not reason enough to think someone’s sexy? Okay, let’s talk psychos
Here’s another angle on this from an individual on Reddit who wrote: “If the guy makes her laugh, he diffuses the potential of him being a psycho, and increases the possibility of him being a regular dude.”
Women do like regular dudes, so getting the “Is he a psycho?” out of the way certainly helps. Some women prefer to risk it, though, figuring a psycho serious dude at least isn’t making a fool of himself.
“I don’t like goofy guys,” one woman wrote. “They think everything is a big joke. I find it very noncommittal and somewhat distracting.”
She claims her current boyfriend is quite serious and prefers talking about science. It works for her, but not the majority of women on Reddit.
Why we need to “motor up” our endorphins
As retro-chic1 pointed out, “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything. Reason? You laugh, you feel good. Both feel good. Zeez, it’s almost sex.”
She’s not wrong. Sex and humour use the same endorphins, whereas discussing science doesn’t. In fact, any form of science, especially biology or math, is unlikely to motor up a single sex-related hormone.
We’re actually very endorphin-based, except there’s a definite difference between men and women where it pertains to humour.
This was brought up in a study done by the International Society of Humor Studies. “In our research,” Ron Martin, president and co-author, wrote, “women said they wanted ‘someone who makes me laugh,’ and men said they wanted ‘someone who laughs at my jokes.’”
That alone separates the men from the girls, so to speak, although it could go back to hunters and gatherers. It was men who took the first brave steps out of the cave, and women who gathered up their mauled remains afterwards.
The “goof factor” and why we crave it
We’ve adapted since then, although obviously not to the point where we’ve forgotten our comfort zones. Men are more comfortable risking being a goof. Women are more comfortable deciding if they are a goof.
Then there’s the thought that men tell jokes that everyone gets, while women want to amuse other woman. Joan Rivers fits that category.
Silverman, with her a vibrating phone, is definitely co-ed all the way.
Why you can’t have a great time discussing petroleum separation
Then there’s the communal aspect of humour, something that’s sexy or not depending on how communal you are in the first place.
This was explained by SerinaLighting who wrote: “Laughing is something that brings two people together. It creates a moment that usually doesn’t repeat itself. There’s nothing as fun as cracking up with someone you really like.”
Certainly those are special moments. Facebook is full of them, usually with pictures and the ceremonial caption “We had such a laugh.” Believe me, you don’t see science discussions posted on Facebook with the caption “Great time discussing petroleum separation.”
But, again, is this sexy?
Among the many attributes women claim an ideal mate must have, “confidence” is right up there. Men like confidence, too, just not as much.
Women, though, say it’s “hot” because it’s not “wimpy.”
Well, nobody likes wimpy, especially in the sex department. Women who love funny guys, say that’s the thing. Putting themselves out there, risking derision, that shows confidence and plenty of guts.
Like those “Open Mic Nights.” It’s the rogue mentality woman love.
When Sarah Silverman did the vibrating phone against her crotch, you could say she risked her career on that one. Some might call it tasteless.
Others — me included — were mesmerized.
Guts? Confidence? Daring? It’s all sexy because all three are unexpected.
In what we call our “ordinary lives,” predictability no doubt causes more divorces than anything else.
Maybe “being funny” is a type of preservation. If your mate’s unpredictable, there’s a good chance you’ll survive the fifty-one percent divorce rate. If you’re laughing all the time, your chances are even better.
What’s optimism got to do with it?
All of which is very sexy, and optimistic at the same time. Funny people are optimists by nature. They can see the funny side of things. In these times of war, pandemics, school shootings, etc., we need a break.
I’m not saying we should laugh at other people’s misfortunes, but that shouldn’t stop us from laughing at our own. It’s not like we’re being bombed, jailed or mutilated. Besides, laughing the the face of adversity (like a screwed up order at Starbucks) is healthy. Anything healthy is, in fact, sexy.
So, yes, I think funny is sexy.
I think most people think it’s sexy.
So what do you do if you’re still not getting laid?
If you’re hilarious and still not getting laid, maybe go to more “Open Mic Nights.” At least you’ll know if you’re funny. Maybe you’ll find someone who’s funny, too. Like Sarah Silverman. She still does the comedy circuit.
And she’s single. That’s what I heard anyway.
Robert Cormack is a satirist, blogger and author of “You Can Lead A Horse to Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive).” You can join him every day by subscribing to robertcormack@medium.com/subscription.
