Six Lessons From My Freshmen Year at Stanford
The good, the bad, and the ugly
Did the ceiling always have that duck-shaped chunk of chipped drywall? I’d never noticed. But now that I was sprawled across my freshly vacuumed carpet — reminiscing — my room picked clean of any evidence that I had ever lived there — I saw it all.
Craning my neck to look down at my watch, I sighed. 11:56 pm.
Four minutes left
Four minutes until I had to officially move out of my freshman dorm.
In the spirit of reflection, here are a few things from my first year on the farm that I would tell my younger self.
1. Embrace the Imperfect
“Do you have a vegetarian broth?”
The slender, sliver-haired woman cutting chicken behind the counter paused and stared, puzzled.
“vegetarian?” I said a little louder, pointing to the fish broth in front of me, now uncomfortably aware that I was holding up the line.
“No,” one of the chefs who had overheard said promptly over his shoulder.
I smiled politely in acknowledgment, putting down my bowl of udon noodles —then headed straight for the salad bar.
Things won’t go the way you want them to. Maybe, you won't become lifelong besties with your roommate, maybe you'll get rejected from that club you really wanted, or not make your first-choice dance team. Perhaps you'll get fired from a job you thought you were great at.
But guess what? Your roommate crochets and is one of the sweetest people you've met, you wouldn't trade the dance team you finally made for the world, and thank god you lost that job because all the extra studying saved your chem grade.
life has a weird way of making things work out, even if the plot seems a little sketchy in the beginning.
2. Friends?
“The ones that love us never leave us. You can always find them.”- Sirius Black
Making friends in college was both more complicated and much easier than I thought. I could write a whole other article on this — and maybe I will — but here are a few of my takeaways :
- Don’t force it. There’s a fine line between putting in a meaningful effort and trying to manufacture a connection where there isn't one.
- Friendship is a two-way street. If you both aren't making equal, constant efforts to hang out, it's probably not going to work out.
- Good communication is KEY
- It's very normal to meet someone, bond really well as if you were best friends, but never see them again. Change is the only constant
- Find people you vibe with and stick with them. You'll likely end up with one to three close friends and many acquaintances. Don't be intimidated by large friend groups, they usually break off anyways.
3. Learn to be OKAY with being alone
One second’s a sweaty, weed-filled, blurry-red haze. The next second, you’re walking home on a chilly Tuesday at 12 am from a 4-hour library session. Your problem set remains unfinished.
The room is filled, then it’s not.
The music is so loud you can't think.
Silence.
Sometimes, I felt like college existed only in the extremes. There was either too much or too little social interaction. It was easy to feel overwhelmed and alone even when I wasn’t.
In the beginning, I felt like I had to eat every meal with someone or I’d be missing out on socializing or sacrificing a friendship. It was stressful and not sustainable. Once I gave up trying to coordinate so many meals and just ate when I felt like it, maybe calling my mom or listening to a podcast while I was at it, it felt so much easier.
Your friends won’t always be free when you want them and probably won't share all of your interests so the sooner you learn to be content with your own company, the happier you'll be.
4. Set boundaries. Protect your peace (a.k.a adulting 101)
It's weird because in college, you're the adult, but you're also the crazy teen who wants to experience all the wild things college has to offer. You’re supposed to be responsible, balance your academics, and also have fun.
It’s a fine line to walk.
Don't ever do something you don't feel comfortable doing even if you feel like you should be doing it. What’s fun looks different for everyone. College is what you make of it. There is no one way.
5. You can’t do everything. Figure out what you truly value
There is always something fun going on at Stanford.
All. The. Time
I learned early on — with the help of my insanely overscheduled calendar — that I, unfortunately, couldn't be in two places at once. Shocker.
You can’t make that bonfire at lake lag, the free boba event, your friend’s theatre show, the talk by some super cool author, and study for your math 21 final in one day.
The abundance of opportunity forces us to pick the experiences we truly value because we can't have them all. Sometimes, however, the best thing you can do with free time is to keep it free.
6. Remember that you’re on your own timeline
“I’m just so tired,” I whispered defeatedly, hugging my knees tighter as I looked down at my phone to make sure it was recording.
All I wanted to do was go to sleep, but there I was, making myself relive the most overwhelming day I had ever had, terrified by the thought that my roommate could wake up any second and find me talking to myself in the dark with a sock over my phone (I was told it improved the sound quality).
I felt drained, homesick and most of all out of place.
last fall, I had agreed to document my New Student Orientation experience for a Stanford Daily podcast. I laugh when I listen to it now.
I was so dramatic.
Not to say that my feelings weren't valid though. Imposter syndrome is REAL, especially at a place like Stanford where it feels like everyone's got their life figured out already.
It's hard to stop comparing yourself, but you can change the way you perceive comparison. Be inspired by people’s success instead of letting it make you feel jealous or inadequate.
Once you start to realize that everyone comes from vastly different backgrounds and the playing field that is college is not level by any means, it’s easier to focus on your own journey.
Well, that's all for now. Expect the unexpected, and stay calm. Things will work out. I hope this article helped you think of what your college experiences have taught you. If not, I hope it was at least mildly entertaining.
