The 7 Most Common Mistakes Dating App Users Make
Avoid these blunders to save your time and frustration — and to find the special person you’re seeking!
13 years.
For over 13 years, I’ve been in the dating app industry, as a founder, developer, data analyst, product manager, marketer, and business owner.
If I had a baby with the first match I got on my app, that love child would be a teenager already!
Much of that time, I was also an avid user. I’ve tried 100s of dating apps.
Together with my partner at DOWN Dating & Social Apps, Nadav Mills, I’ve compiled an updated list of the common mistakes I see singles making when using dating apps such as ours.
1. Expecting instant gratification.
Just because you created a profile and sent a bunch of likes doesn’t mean a sexy match will magically appear on your doorstep.
As great as you think you look after a few drinks — and I’m sure you’re gorgeous, babe — you can’t expect instant gratification.
People have busy lives and aren’t glued to their dating apps 100% of the time. The timing of when they use the app, when they are motivated to meet someone new in person, and when they are looking for something similar to you all have to line up.
Be patient: expect it to take 1–4 weeks before you start seeing the top-level results.
The smartest dating app users are playing the long game to make some friends along the way.
This creates a larger network of single friends. One of their friends might be a better fit for you, and you’d only meet them if you are kind & friendly even when it’s not a good fit with one of your matches!
2. Using it as their only source for dates.
If you’re really motivated to go on dates, whether casual dating or serious dating, you should be tapping into multiple sources for potential partners!
Dating apps are just one puzzle piece in a bigger strategy to meet as many compatible partners as possible.
Beyond apps, you should ensure you’re being outgoing with friends, partaking in group hobbies and activities that you enjoy or want to explore, and keeping your eyes out for work or friends-of-colleagues romances.
And of course, there’s the classic source: meeting at bars and other public places (e.g. grocery stores, cafes) where you may pass by other singles.
3. Not showing enough or a true impression of themselves across their profile.
I get it. Everyone wants to look amazing in their dating profile!
But you’ve got to balance that with expressing your true self, so that you naturally filter out bad fits and get to the good ones!
For example, if you play sports, you should add at least one photo of you playing and also mention it in your bio.
Some of these mistakes include:
- only showing 1 photo with no bio (especially for men)
- only adding group photos
- not showing your face in the photos
- using old or heavily edited photos
- not adding your passions
- not adding what makes you different: on DOWN, you should choose a standout “Highlight” that shows what makes you different than others, and list your “Down to try” interests in case they align with fellow swipers.
4. Sending a boring first message.
Show some personality and give the recipient something exciting to continue the conversation!
Boring messages like the examples above often lead to ghosting, boring convos, or at best, slower responses.
5. Losing the excitement.
Damn, look at you! You got a hot match, or maybe even a few.
Now what?
It’s key to not lose the momentum and thrill that both of you feel from that initial dopamine hit of seeing someone likes you!
Avoid these to keep things exciting:
- Chatting too long before meeting
- Waiting too long in between messages
- Getting stuck on small talk
6. Forgetting there’s a human on the other side.
Remember your manners, even in a hookup app!
Warm your matches up: don’t go straight in with dirty talk.
Even after the first messages, continue to avoid boring or one-word answers.
And don’t divide your attention too thinly. Chatting with too many people at once limits the attention and quality conversation you’ll provide to each match, so while you don’t want to put all of your eggs in one basket, don’t go overboard with so many matches that they each just become another number to you.
7. Not paying for a better experience.
I’m biased here as the owner of a dating app, but this is a truism:
If you highly value your time and lower stress, it usually makes sense to pay for the premium subscription for a month or few at a time.
Compared to what you’d spend on an actual date, going somewhere where you could meet someone new, like a bar, and between transportation, food, drinks, entertainment, etc., it’s still a great deal.
Yes, some of the giant dating apps may be gaming you to ensure you stick around rather than find the highest level of success and leave. But they’re all incentivized to provide more value to premium users than free ones.
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