The Most Common Misconception About Success: We Can Make It Without Any Help

It’s lonely at the top they say.

No matter how much money you make, no matter how many exotic cars or luxurious materialistic items you acquire, the problems don’t go away. They just become “better” problems, if that makes any sense.

Why, then, are all these highly successful individuals so unhappy?

Well, for starters, we can look at how these individuals obtained this level of success. It was likely the result of pure grit, cutthroat competition, and little time for the “nonsense” that makes life enjoyable.

They fell under the impression that the only way they could become successful was to beat the competition and outdo all those around them, including close friends and immediate family.

The rigorous, star-studded academic and social environment at Harvard provides a prime example of this truth.

Mental health studies at Harvard have shown that the suicide rates of students attending Harvard are triple the national average.

When these students arrive on campus in the Fall of their freshmen year, they are no longer the only superstar. Instead, They find themselves surrounded by the most elite prospects in the country and some are unable to cope with this new environment.

Many feel the need and pressure to work longer and harder hours.

Individuals who choose to do so will study endlessly and sacrifice anything to give themselves the slightest edge against their peers. It is no surprise that they go on to find themselves unhappy or depressed in this environment, regardless of the levels of success they achieve.

That same study found that the students who spent the beginning of their time at Harvard fostering relationships and developing a dense network of friends and a widespread support system were much more successful in their studies and far happier than their counterparts.

The truth is, success breads happiness and not the other way around. You can be successful and absolutely miserable. We see this in the high divorce rates of millionaires.

So how then, can we leave behind this mindset of competition in our rise to success?

It starts with accepting the fact that success amplifies itself. What in the world does that mean? Think about it… It’s much easier to be creative when you are around creative people. It’s easy to smile and be happy when you are surrounded by positive people. Likewise, when you surround yourself with happy, driven people and begin to challenge and work with each other, you will be far more successful than if you try and make it on your own.

In this approach, you will have companions to share in your victories and friends to share in your failures and shortcomings. You will have double,triple, maybe even quadruple the brainpower compared to if you decided to work by yourself. We need to put to end the age old fallacy that in order to be successful, you need to beat those around you. It is simply not true and is oftentimes toxic for the health of individuals who believe it.

This doesn’t even necessarily mean that you need to constantly be working with others. It does, however, means that you need to re-frame how you are thinking about success. Surround yourself with talented, thoughtful individuals and learn with and from them. If you are surrounded by “less talented” individuals, you can learn just as much from them as well.

Everybody brings something to the table and can contribute to your success in the formation of how you think about the world.

Yeah, yeah, work as a team. That sounds a bunch of bogus and propaganda I’ve heard since Kindergarten.

At first it might seem this way, but working together to elevate on’es success is a principle that is well ingrained in nature.

Take fireflies, for example.

The sole purpose of their existence is to reproduce (sounds fun, right?). The tails of males light up when it is time to attract a female and mate. You would think that these men would want to do everything in their power to separate themselves from their peers in order to attract a lucky lady. Wrong, this could not be further from the truth.

In a controlled mating experiment carried out in the middle of a forest, scientists attached LED lights to a tree. The tree lit up simultaneously and a group of neighboring fireflies did the same. Over 80% of fireflies in this group found mates, over double the amount of the fireflies trying to mate on their own. This is a prime example of amplified success. Of course it is important to note that each firefly has something to contribute to the betterment of the group. Likewise, in your journey to success, find others who will contribute to the betterment of yourself and who will support you in your journey.

With that being said, relax. If you enjoy what you are doing, work purposefully and with a positive attitude, success will find its way into your life. And remember, success amplifies itself.

If you want to learn more about this approach to success, check out Shawn Achor’s Big Potential: How Transforming the Pursuit of Success Raises Our Achievement, Happiness, and Well-Being