This is What Kills Relationships
The reciprocity delusion
It sounds like such a reasonable idea — of course relationships should be reciprocal. You don’t want to be stuck in a one-sided relationship where you do all the giving and the other party does all the receiving.
You don’t want to be taken advantage of. You’re not a doormat, are you?
You should demand that the people in your life give exactly half to the relationship and you give the other half. If you go over your half and give more than they do — foul! Penalty flag. Loss of down, loss of relationship. Demand reciprocity! Damn it! Assert yourself! Be empowered. Be powerful! What’s wrong with you?
Um… Sorry, I’ve got really bad news for all you reasonable folks out there. You are killing your relationships.
Every single one of your relationships will die. The only relationships that you will be left with are the ones which by some fluke you did not impose the reciprocity delusion upon. For instance, most parents don’t demand reciprocity from their children, so you might have relationships with your kids.
But you might not.
I’ve heard a lot of parents complaining about their kids, teenagers, or adult children. “After all I’ve done for them…”
