Why Everyone Should Read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie

“People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves — morning, noon, and after dinner.”

2020 has been one unforgettable year, for all of the wrong reasons. We have had a global pandemic, unemployment increase, wildfires, and political tension just to name a few events. And the year is still not over.

Republicans and Democrats showed up to the polls, and the news portrayed a nation divided.

All eyes are currently on Georgia’s Senate runoff to see which party will control the Senate. 2020 election was one to remember.

Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.

A couple of months ago, I read the classic Dale Carnegie book, “How to win friends and influence people.” Originally published in 1936, Carnegie’s system to “win friends” holds true today. Carnegie’s book is so much more than how to “win friends;” it’s about how to deal with people, how to make them see your point of view.

The truth of the matter is, you will have to deal with people and it’s an important skill to develop to succeed in personal or professional life. Whether you are an entrepreneur, software engineer, doctor, lawyer, student, or unemployed, you need to deal with people. In your family life with your parents, siblings, or with your boyfriend, girlfriend, or your boss, every single day you interact with someone.

Today there are many books on leadership and relationships. I think this book tops all of those books that give advice on how to be a good leader or how to attract a new partner. Carnegie’s book is about how to deal with people, which will make you a better leader or a better partner.

I think there is something in Carnegie’s book we can learn from.

Six rules to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of other man’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely.

It’s easy to make enemies. So easy. It’s harder to make allies or friends. One common theme I see is how quickly we are to judge and critic others for their belief system or ideas.

The six rules of Carnegie to make people like you talk about how to make the other person feel good, which in return, make them like you.

In the book, Carnegie makes this point over and over again; “people are interested in themselves.” It’s easy to talk about other people’s mistakes and judge them for it. Judgment is probably the easiest way to make enemies.

It’s important to realize that no one is perfect and we should not be so quick to judge them.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain — and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

Twelve ways of winning people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other man’s opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other man do a great deal of talking.
7. Let the other man feel that the idea is his.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throwdown a challenge.

Carnegie gives twelve ways to win people into your way of thinking. You cannot win them into your way of thinking by force or intimidation. You cannot win them into your way of thinking by judgment and making them feel bad about themselves.

You have to make them think that the idea is their way. Politeness goes a long way.

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, bristling with prejudices, and motivated by pride and vanity.

People are complex. We are not logical. We are not dealing with logic, we are dealing with emotions. That is why it’s important to take other person emotions into consideration.

If you want to learn how to change other people’s minds, I will leave you with nine different ways you can change their minds without them resenting you.

Nine ways to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving orders.
5. Let the other man save his face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.’
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the things you suggest.