The Undeniable Magic of Wanting
Despite being so common it’s nearly invisible, the word ‘want’ speaks volumes.
We are all full of want. Starting with items we need then racing towards objects of desire.
She was a wicked thing sometimes. All full of want……As if she were important. ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Slow Regard of Silent Things
On the surface, it may appear ‘a wicked thing’ to want. Why should anyone have more than they need?
The answer is simple. We may live on satiated needs but we blossom, on fulfilled desires
Want Vs Need
Fundamentally, what we need and what we want differ. An argument of need versus want can be drawn from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
Logically, the needs at the bottom of the pyramid must be met before the ones towards the top can be fulfilled. The bottom levels represent necessities for human survival and are unequivocally needs. We need shelter, food and safety but further to this we need love, affection and respect to function as a healthy human being.
As we move upwards within this pyramid, the distinction between need and want becomes blurred. Do we truly need art, exploration and to actualise our potential. It is within the top echelons of this hierarchy that want colludes with desire rather than need.
Arguably we do not need to reach the ‘growth’ levels (cognitive, aesthetic and self actualisation) of the pyramid but I’d wager we all want to. Such wants are not wicked but necessary to both individual and societal progression.
For instance, in his book Motivation and Personality, Maslow studied individuals he deemed to have reached the pinnacle of self actualisation, such as Albert Einstein — without whom we would be missing key scientific advancements.
Wanting is not inherently wicked.
However, as society changes what people want has changed. In advanced nations we rarely want for things at the base of Maslow’s pyramid. Arguably, this is a source of our troubled relationship with want which can border on greed.
Want in the 21st century
Depending on who you talk to ‘want’ in the 21st century is what we live and breathe for.
In the future, it seems, there will be only one “ism” — Individualism — and its rule will never end. — Ross Douthat
“Don’t hesitate to satisfy your needs; indeed, expand your needs and demand more.” This is the worldly doctrine of today.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Most of this debate centres on individualism in tandem with materialism.
For instance, according to Michael Kemp (and a great many others) what differentiates individuals within our society are material symbols which bestow status. As we saw within Maslow’s pyramid humans have a need to differentiate themselves (Esteem Need) and this need is the base nature of status. It is this want which pushes individuals to obtain items of status because they garner attention and grant them the acceptance of others.
Granted, the Esteem Need is, according to Maslows hierarchy, a necessity. However, at what point do we consider the need for esteem to be met and the garnering of attention by ever more expensive items a selfish waste?
If we aren’t careful we build ourselves from wanting. We move from want to want, collecting pieces we attach to ourselves, weaving the narrative of ‘I’.
We spend a lifetime either being asked what we want or trying to find it. Considering it’s centrality to our day to day lives it’s a wonder that we don’t examine it, truly pick it apart.
How can we want more than we need in a way that advances society rather than drains it?
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What happens after we get what we want?
Let’s pick it apart
There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting, it is a driving force propelling us forward. Yet a strange thing arises from the process of wanting and having.
When we want something, all our focus and energy is directed towards achieving this goal and we can become single minded to its cause — and if we are lucky enough to obtain the object of our desire, want becomes have, and a strange phenomenon occurs… post want, in the realm of have, we first experience a myriad of emotions, elation, pride, relief and vindication,
But what happens after we obtain our want ? — this intrigues me.
Where we once had a portion of our lives dedicated to achieving this want, fuelling us to action, we now have nothing.
What do we do once we get what we want?
Sometimes we expend so much of our current resources and future imaginings on achieving what we want that we forget to even think past what happens when we have it. In obtaining what we want we nearly have to start over, find a new want….. what do I want now?
We have infinite wants which leave proportionately sized empty spaces once we no longer want for them.
Ray Dalio touches on this in his famous pdf now book Principles,
…most people think they are striving to get the things (toys, bigger houses, money, status, etc.) that will make them happy…..[however] once we get the things we are striving for, we rarely remain satisfied with them. — Ray Dalio
Naturally, once the positive emotion dies down, we become distracted by the next want. But what can we learn from this ‘space’, this void of in-between?
Conscientiously Wanting
We are all built on want. As such, we should be taking infinite care in deciding what wants we wish to pursue. What do we want to build and how do we want to build it?
These are questions we should ask ourselves time and time again both within the process of wanting and between, in the moments of having. We should build ourselves by first critiquing our wants.
“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.” ― Socrates
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