Rebuilding a Career after Marriage and Relocation
Seven years ago, Kimberly lost her professional network and said goodbye to friends when she relocated from Tampa to D.C. after marrying a spouse whose career was tied to the D.C. area. Today, she is an award-winning corporate branding and graphic design expert with connections in both the government and the private sector that have enabled her to launch her own business.
Now a resident of Alexandria, VA, Kimberly discusses how marriage and relocation set her on a different path, and how D.C.’s environment, housing and traffic factored into her journey.
Why did you relocate from Tampa to D.C. after your marriage?
This goes back to how our story started. While I was living in Tampa, I met my husband, who was then living in D.C., through a mutual friend who asked if I could speak with him about where to live in Tampa while there for a job. We started long-distance dating, and then he found out that the job he had already been hired for in Tampa fell through when the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq wound down. We decided that since Tampa had limited military and government jobs, we would get married and I would move to D.C. to start anew.
I moved to D.C. the day after we flew back from our wedding in the Bahamas. I completely relocated to a place where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t have a job, and was far from family. Most people who know me know I am not shy. It was just about starting everything all over.
There weren’t any other options. He already had a job here, and sadly there weren’t many military jobs in Tampa. As a graphic designer, the perk is that I can get a job practically anywhere. My whole goal in my career life was to work from the beach. I just got farther from that.
How did you feel about starting your life and career over in D.C.?
Starting over when you don’t know anyone can be a tough transition. I had to say goodbye to all of my friends and the entire network of people that I worked with in Tampa. I didn’t have a job, and I had not made any friends yet to be social with or get possible referrals for work.
Two months into our marriage, my spouse got a new job and was suddenly gone for half the year. I was like, “Wait a second? What did I get myself into?” I mean, don’t get me wrong. It was a great opportunity for advancement, which I was really proud of, but it was an adjustment that neither of us saw coming.
But even with all of that, I was also really excited to see D.C. and experience new places. I was used to moving around every year within the Tampa Bay Area just to experience different restaurants and see new things. That would not be hard, because D.C. has endless things to do!
How did you rebuild your career after moving to D.C.?
It was tough getting into the market. I tried applying to jobs before I moved, but I often found that they wanted people currently in the area. I also moved at probably one of the worst times. I found getting a job in D.C. was nearly impossible because to get one with a contractor you often needed to already have a security clearance, and, to top it all off, the federal government had a hiring freeze at the time because of the federal budget.
I eventually got my first job as a marketing specialist for a government contractor six months after I had moved here that sponsored me for a clearance. From there, I started getting better and better jobs that gave me amazing experiences and eventually led to me owning my own corporate branding consulting business.
I went from knowing nobody, having a husband gone all the time, and having no network to seven years later having built a big network of both friends and colleagues. I met most of my network through work but also through just being out on the town meeting other people’s networks. Mine now consists mainly of people in government, though a lot of them have now moved on to private companies, and they were able to see my skills and my work ethic. Basically, almost every client I have now has been a referral, which has been such a blessing with starting up my business.
My husband is also in the Executive MBA program at Georgetown University. He actually already has an MBA; he is doing this for the networking. When they are not in class, they network all the time, and I have met potential new clients through many of their events that we attend. It’s just getting yourself out there. I’m like, “Hey, take my business card.” Ninety percent of doing business is showing people your personality. They are essentially buying you, not just your skills. They have to want to work with you and vice versa.
Why did you decide to eventually start your own business?
In this environment (which might be everywhere, but I think is particularly bad in D.C.), employers will often suck you dry if you are not on a contract that legally only allows you to work 8 hours a day. At one point, for example, I was the program manager for two different government contracts, sixty percent on another contract and also doing business development proposals and marketing. It was insanely stressful. If you did not work nights and weekends, I felt you were not going to get promoted or get a raise.
Since my husband is away frequently for work, we invest in our marriage by taking a lot of trips. When I worked as a contractor, this was possible because there were no set vacation times and I always did my work or made up for lost time. That being said, I started to sense that some people were unhappy that I was putting my marriage first and not their company. Like I said, many employers around here expect you to work around the clock with no life balance. They actually work on their vacations that they are supposed to be vacating from.
One time, I was getting really frustrated. I was like, “I’m in an international country right now on vacation. I’m not doing your work for you. You should have planned ahead.” I finally decided I should just start my own business, which is something I had been thinking about for a long time. I know a variety of skills, programs, and vendors because of my past experience: not just graphic design but also marketing, communications, event planning, trade shows. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for those past experiences, because they help me benefit my clients, but it was just time to do it for myself.
And, oh my gosh, it’s hard to start your own company! You need to get an LLC or another credential to seem like a legitimate company. There was also so much local and federal paperwork that needed to be completed. And you cannot forget that I also had to make a website, logos, everything to market myself. It was a lot of work. But the business took off immediately and has been fantastic ever since.
How does working from home complicate work-life balance?
Getting up, moving around, and doing something else to have a little bit of balance is important. I’ll work out in the middle of the day or take the dogs for a walk, anything to get up and be moving. However, it can be hard sometimes for me to stop when I am on a roll. I’m like, “I know the dogs need to go outside, but I’ve got to finish this before I lose my creative thought process.”
You also have to be really self-motivated. Every day, you get up and work your butt off. I have found that I don’t mind working on the weekends anymore, because I work for myself. However, I have made myself stop doing that as much because I really needed to separate my work and my personal life. I needed to create some personal boundaries so that I didn’t get burned out. Owning your own business is not just about your finances. It’s also about the work, your relationships, your health. You’ve got to balance it all.
How does your housing situation impact you socially and professionally?
We own a townhouse in Alexandria, VA. My neighborhood is a large townhouse community with some condos and stand-alone homes. It’s a huge network of people — basketball players, diplomats, senators, tons of military, and business owners. It has been very good both socially and for my business. Everybody has parties all the time. Kids are always out playing and riding their bikes around. Practically everyone has a dog. It has been a fantastic way to meet people.
Currently, I am the chair of the HOA’s communications committee, and I’m planning the 20th anniversary party for the community this fall. It’s a huge amount of work, but it’s been really good for me as a means to meet more people and get myself out there. Plus, the neighbors are very supportive of me and my business.
That said, there are some neighbors who we never see. A lot of people travel overseas because of jobs in the military, and they are gone all the time. There are some homes where us neighbors jokingly speculate if the owners are dead. My neighborhood is a revolving door, which is good for resale and renting, but tough when your friends have to move away.
How does D.C.’s traffic impact you?
The traffic is ridiculous. Housing near D.C. is ridiculously expensive, especially within the Beltway, but people who can afford it pay for it to keep their sanity. You do not want to be in the car for two hours each way to and from work if you can avoid it. When I first moved here, I considered applying for a job right over the border in Maryland. My husband was like, “Don’t do it. You will hate your life. It will take you an hour and a half each way.” You could just be going a mile and it could take you 40 minutes. One of my jobs was 15 minutes away without traffic, but over an hour with traffic. It is very frustrating.
I used to work from 7–3 in order to avoid the worst traffic, and it would make me mad if I had to stay late at work on a proposal that could have been worked on from home. Everyone thinks about their commute. If you leave 15 minutes late for work, you are going to shot yourself because there will be so much more traffic, and then you will have to stay later at work and fight the bad traffic on the way back again. There are a lot of angry people. One of the reasons I am so happy that I started my own company is that I no longer have to deal with commuting every day, which takes time out of getting my actual work done.
Do you have public transportation alternatives to driving?
I prefer to drive, because I don’t like public transportation. It is typically late or the metro has been shut down or you have to wait outside in the sweltering heat, freezing cold or in the rain for a bus. Plus, the metro closest to me is about a mile from my house, which I would have to walk to. By the time you get to work, you look like a hot mess. It’s just too much. Plus, I find driving to be more peaceful and relaxing. It’s my unwinding time.
How have your goals changed as you married, moved and built your career?
I really thought I wanted a house with a white picket fence and two children, but as my career took off I became more driven to pursue it. Having children wasn’t possible. I was traveling multiple times a month while in Tampa, and after I got married and moved to D.C. my husband was traveling all the time, sometimes for almost half the year. It wouldn’t have been feasible to have a child.
How do you feel about letting go of the dream of having kids?
I’m totally okay with it. I think I would be a good parent, but we just don’t have the energy for it anymore. We are both so exhausted by the time we get home from work (because of traffic or working 12-hour days) that we have no desire to do anything but relax, unwind, and sleep. I mean, even having dogs and cats like we do can be a ton of work. I can only imagine us arguing over whose turn it is to take care of a baby. That would definitely happen.
At this point, if we had children now, we would be so old by the time they grew up. We would have to push back retirement. And kids are so expensive. Schools are so expensive. It’s just too much. I know that children are a desire for many, it’s just not what we want with our lives.
What, if anything, takes the place of children in your life?
I don’t feel like I need to replace anything. I feel like I have everything. My husband. My friends. My family. My animals. My animals are like children to us.
I don’t feel like I am missing out. I find reward in my life out of my career more than having a child. I’ve won five graphic design awards. I have reports seen by Congress, designs in military installations around the world. It’s been very gratifying. People ask who will take care of me when I am older, and I’m like, “A nursing home!”
What does “home” mean to you as your life has evolved?
It’s your solitude. It’s the place that makes you feel comfortable. It’s that feeling like when you are on vacation for too long and you are thinking, “I just want to go home. I just want my own bed. I want to be able to go to the fridge or snuggle with my fur babies. Be at peace.”
I have four fur babies. Those are my kids. And we have two fish tanks as well. Our animals are super lovey-dovey. The cats act like dogs, and the dogs actually are great catalysts to meeting more neighbors. I met one of my best friends walking my dog. It gets you out of the house so that you are not just a hermit. Home is where I am comfortable.
Why did you buy your townhouse?
We were tired of apartment living. It was a waste of money, and our apartment was only about $1000 a month less than our current house. We just felt we might as well get a bigger place with our own garage. We were also tired of the walls being so paper thin and hearing neighbors arguing, partying or blaring their music at all times of the day. We wanted something homier. It was time.
Our townhouse is really nice, but it can still feel like an apartment where you are on top of all your neighbors. I don’t know how I feel about that anymore. There is good and bad. The neighborhood is incredibly social and neighbors are always there to help out when you need it, but sometimes there are those days where you aren’t up for small talk. I like my neighbors, but as my husband and I get older we want a little more privacy or a small yard, something we currently don’t have. At times, there can be little-to-no privacy in a townhouse community. There isn’t the kind of solitude here that you could with having a larger property.
Did buying a house make you feel more rooted? If so, how do you feel about being tied down?
When we were living in apartments we could just up and move, which was nice. Now that we have a mortgage, we have responsibilities. Sometimes I feel like, “Oh my god, this is really permanent.” It’s a really big change. We equate it to having children, I imagine. You can’t give it back!
I feel like I became an adult when we got a mortgage. It’s a lot of money. It ties you down to places. Luckily, my neighborhood is good for rentals if we want to eventually move somewhere else.
What lessons should people learn from your story?
In this area, everyone is so hyper-focused on money and on having the next best thing. It can be a lot like the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality. I would rather not put all my focus on money to make me happy, but instead just be happy with the blessings we have, like our health and time to spend with friends and family. I had limited time available for my friends before starting my own business, because I was working so many nights and weekends to meet others’ expectations. One time, I even missed my own surprise birthday party.
My social life has greatly picked up since leaving my job. I hang out with friends all the time and travel often. It has been so much more rewarding to focus on what makes me happy. I believe that this will be the right career path for me.
Everyone finds their own path. I was the rebellious one growing up. Some people thought majoring in marketing or graphic design was too artsy. But then I kept excelling every year and receiving awards. I believe that I have been more successful, surprisingly, than many who have taken more traditional paths. The creative world has been good to me!
Interview conducted April 25, 2018. Interview has been edited for clarity, privacy and brevity. Interviewee is a friend of the Author.
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