by Huey-Min Chuang
As the only non-pet owner attending my first Long Before the End Book Group meeting at the New York Open Center, I felt special. Special like a dog visiting her new home for the first time with eyes wide open, ears alert, ready to explore her new environment and eager to belong. Within minutes, I let my guard down, propped into my chair, and felt instantly welcomed and encouraged.
The book of the hour, The Friend by Sigrid Nunez, brought out conversations and questions about dog behaviors, intellectual capabilities, and emotional intelligence. Questions and comments like ping pong balls, going back and forth propelled forward new discoveries and offshoot explorations into our human condition. Intermittently, we were rewarded with knowledge and observations from the evening’s special guest, Alexandra Horowitz, dog cognition expert.
…Do dogs grieve when they lose their owners? Do they understand when we talk to them? Dogs that wait for their masters at train stations day after day, even when their masters disappear for good, do they do it out of habit, or loyalty? Can dogs be entertained by dog TV programming like toddlers when we are out? Do we relate better to dogs than to other humans? Should all seniors be encouraged, and be paired with a dog so that they can feel rewarded with love and companionship, even when their pets will likely outlive them? When dogs suffer at end of life, what are best choices for them? And are these considerations different from ours?…
Then we strayed into the book’s many characters, who were not given names, except for individual numbers, like in wife #1, 2, 3, who are dotted as references within a context into the story. The only name readers discover is Apollo, a Dane dog. Apollo in Greek mythology is an immortal powerful god that possesses many magical powers that include seeing into the future. He is known to heal people and bring about illness and dis-ease at the same time, like the dog that embodies his name in the book.
I left the evening wondering — since dogs live an average life of 10 to 13 years, assuming that adopting owners are in good health and live an average life multiple times longer than dogs, should pet owners be required to undergo training during the adoption process on coping with death and dying of a pet, or receive future grief workshop resources for families, especially for kids; and have access to available information on choices at end of life of a pet from day one? Further, are pet owners better prepared for human end of life because they have experienced the aging and dying of their pets? Or could pet lovers avoid having to experience loss of pets and any other negative behaviors or demands from them by creating a perfectly groomed robotic dog with all the loving features that we want in a dog who can also speak to us in human language? How would that world look? Would we be better off? What would that mean to us?
Perhaps, we can attempt to answer these questions with a reflection back to ourselves. Diversity brings color and resilience to life. Experiences good and bad build and destroy at the same time, like our universe has done time and time again since the Big Bang. We are built of atoms and cells that are rhythm-ed by cycles of birth and death each day, in and out of us. There will always be a “before” the end, and a “beginning” after the end. In other words, there will always be an end before a beginning. Change is evolution. Death is beginning. Apollo empowers us to see into the future.
Huey-Min Chuang is the Senior Director, Economic Development Specialist and Policy Advisor for Empire State Development. Named 40 under 40 Crain’s Business Class.
