The “Strong Black Woman”
In today’s society, the emotions of black women are often downplayed. Society has created a schema that black women are “strong” and “resilient” for many reasons. But what price does that come with? Being a “Strong Black Woman” doesn’t allow space for them to be vulnerable, sensitive, or expressive of their feelings regarding pain and trauma. This has been shown numerous amount of times throughout history and many black women have expressed this issue through their art, music, poetry, and literature.
For years, black women’s cries and voices have been ignored, gaslighted, and seen as a threat. A reason behind that is due to the “Strong Black Woman” schema which can be dated back to slavery. “The portrayal of African American women as physically and psychologically stronger compared to European American women and equal to African American men enabled European Americans to justify their enslavement and inhuman treatment. African American enslaved women in turn socialized African American girls to be strong to prepare them for the often brutal and violent life on the plantations” (Liao et al., 2020). Even after slavery ended, black women have been systemically oppressed which has limited their access to resources causing the need for them to be “strong”. Within the last decade, a large percentage of black households were led by single mothers. Part of this was due to the high rate of black men being incarcerated which forced black women to take on the role of being the financial provider, caregiver, and community agent. Black women are also encouraged to grow up at a faster rate mentally than black men because of the amount of responsibility that they have to take on at such an early age. From a young age, black girls are taught to do as they are told without talking back or expressing any form of disagreement because it is seen as disrespectful. Also, for those who did grow up in a two-parent household, they watched their mother have a lack of power and a lack of “voice”, especially during decision making.
The gaslighting of black women’s emotions can be seen in many situations throughout history. One of these situations regards Serena Williams and the Umpire, Carlos Ramos during the 2009 Women’s US Open final. She expressed her anger and frustration during the game because she felt as if the umpire was violating her unfairly. “..umpire Carlos Ramos issued a number of controversial code violations against Williams. First, he said that she received coaching from the sidelines. Then he claimed Williams slamming her racquet required another violation. And when she called him a thief after her second violation, standing up for herself amongst tennis officials, Ramos gave Williams a game penalty” (Herman, 2018).
Many people have opinions about the way she expressed her emotions calling it a “meltdown”, “outrageous” and “unprofessional”. If you search the story on google, numerous negative articles show up portraying Williams as the “Angry Black Woman”. It’s quite discriminatory for Williams to receive so much backlash for her reactions when there have been plenty of white male tennis players who have committed far worse antics but are still very much praised such as John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors.
Despite how other people may have viewed her actions, Williams has encouraged other black women to stick up for themselves. After the match, she stated, “I just feel like the fact that I have to go through this is just an example for the next person that has emotions and that want to express themselves and they want to be a strong woman. They’re gonna be allowed to do that because of today. Maybe it didn’t work out for me, but it’s gonna work out for the next person” (Herman, 2018). Her brave act was truly iconic and inspirational.
Another instance where a black woman has spoken up and suffered tragic consequences is Oluwatoyin “Toyin” Salau. On June 6, 2020, Salau released a series of tweets explaining how she has been sexually assaulted recently. On the same day, she went missing, and then a week later, her body was found by Tallahassee Police Department investigators. Salau was a young and brilliant black woman who endlessly fought for Black Lives as a memorable activist. In tribute to Salu, Hemphill tweeted, “Oluwatoyin, You spent your life being abused by family, sexually assaulted, and you still managed to FIGHT for black lives. You protected black lives. Only for you to be raped and killed. We need to protect our black women. They are dying while fighting a war for us” (Cineas, 2020).
Both of these women have expressed their pain and have suffered from it. Why is it, that when black women speak of anything that is done wrong to them by their oppressors, they’re faulted for it? For decades, black women have been belittled in many situations. Black women have been forced to stay quiet about many issues regarding their hurt to avoid being treated as the “Angry Black Woman”. Because once that happens, the reasons as to why they’re upset don’t matter, just their response. This has caused so many black women to hold so much in and suffer great mental agony. Being told that they’re acting “ghetto”, “crazy” and they’re “doing too much” has given too much attention to the wrong thing.
Beyonce greatly expresses this in her Lemonade Album during her song Hold Up. During the song, she sings, “What’s worse looking jealous and crazy, jealous and crazy, jealous and crazy or like being walked all over lately, walked all over lately, I’d rather be crazy”, as she casually walks down the street smashing car windows with a bat full of joy as others watch her and cheer rather than judge and diminish her. When black women react to the hurt that their partner has brought upon them, their feelings are often gaslighted. They react that way because their feelings are belittled and downplayed. She stated that she would rather look jealous or crazy than allow anyone to walk all over her. She would rather express her feelings than diminish them, despite how people may view her as a black woman.
A poet named Warsan Shire has also shown how black women are gaslighted as they expressed their pain in one of the poems in her book, Teaching My Mother To Give Birth, called Fire. In this poem, a young black woman called her mother to tell her that her husband physically abused her. Her mother responded, “What do you mean he hit you? Your father hit me all of the time but I never left him. He pays the bills and he comes home at night, what more do you want?”. Not only did her mom fail to acknowledge that her daughter was hurt, but she also made her feel as if she should put up with it and be “walked all over on” because he takes care of her.
There have been so many instances where black women haven’t had the proper space or respect to express their feelings and not be dehumanized. What is being done about it? Well, black women are creating more of a platform for other black women to stick up for themselves. They are starting to break generational curses and create a voice for themselves. Hopefully one day, society will be able to stop downplaying black women’s emotions and encourage them to express their emotions in healthy ways.
References
Cineas, F. (2020, June 16). The disappearance and death of activist Oluwatoyin Salau,
explained. Vox. Retrieved May 9, 2022, from https://www.vox.com/2020/6/16/21292237/oluwatoyin-salau-death
Herman, L. (2018, September 9). The U.S. Open final wasn’t about a “meltdown.” it was about
sexism. Serena Williams Stood Up To Sexism At US Open. Retrieved May 9, 2022, from https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2018/09/209380/serena-williams-us-open-meltdown-sexism
Liao, K. Y.-H., Wei, M., & Yin, M. (2019). The misunderstood schema of the Strong Black
Woman: Exploring its mental health consequences and coping responses among African American women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 44(1), 84–104. https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684319883198
