How?
How am I supposed to act as though any of this matters? How do I go about my day today, tomorrow, and every day thereafter until my graduation, acting as though what I’m doing right now is making a difference?
Sure, I’m investing in myself now to make a difference in the future, if and however I so choose.
But how the hell can I sit here and know that tomorrow, I will be studying linear algebra for the entire day just for a midterm and for a class that I could not care less about. I will be “learning” things I will not remember nor need 3 months from now. I will be wasting my time, wasting my day, wasting my knowledge, brainpower, energy, happiness, passion, and EVERYTHING else I have to offer, just for a grade, just to meet another major requirement, just to graduate.
People are dying. People are struggling.
The country is racing downhill to try to reach new lows.
And I’m just supposed to accept it? Just turn on my blinders, stay in my own lane, and go through the motions of being a student?
How can I do that?
People in Vegas were lining up to give blood to victims of what was (and what I pray will forever remain) the worst mass shooting in US history. Volunteers in Puerto Rico are on the ground helping other human beings move on and rebuild after Hurricane Maria.
And here I am, looking out for myself. Here I am, unable to help beyond thoughts and donations.
Here I will be tomorrow, falling asleep in a library to 9 lecture videos playing at 2x speed in order to catch up on work I don’t care for.
Because I’m too afraid of the possibility that my GPA will drop and companies won’t hire me if they see a bad grade. Because I’m “too sensible” to say to hell with all this, drop out of college, and put to use the knowledge I have now to make an immediate difference. Because societal norms have dictated I must have a degree to get a job. Because I need a job to have money. Because I need money to pay off my student loans and buy things that will make me “happy”.
The only thing that can make me happy is seeing this world in a better place. Seeing more stringent gun control regulations come into effect. Seeing consistent and plentiful aid delivered to the American citizens in Puerto Rico. Seeing a tax plan that will benefit those below the poverty line far more than it does those far above it. Seeing a Congress, a Judiciary Branch, and an Executive Branch, who truly care for the people and want to make our world a better place for all.
People have said and written here on Medium that if I want something to happen, if I really really want to achieve something, I’ll find a way to get it done. I’ll find a way to make time for it. I don’t even know what it is (yet).
But when I wake up tomorrow, I’m going to make something happen.
