Alamo Evacuated After Bloated Tourist Plays Ass Trumpet
SAN ANTONIO, TX — At approximately 11:13am CST, The Alamo was evacuated after tourists were seen exiting the premises with eyes watering, covering their faces from an invisible threat that swarmed the historical landmark. Initial reports suggest a middle-aged male was seen pushing people out of the way to reach the exit and within seconds, occupants began to feel the air become heavier. Local Arithra Danklin (43) states, “The air suddenly became putrid. It smelled akin to a late night Taco Bell run that ended in World War III in somebody’s digestive system.” Authorities are reluctant to chase the butt pirate as the sour smell leads into the downtown area. Everyone downtown has been warned to stay indoors until the odor dissipates. The warning will expire around 11:30 am CST. Officials will meet later this afternoon to go over the new “Ass Disaster” plan to ensure more containment in the event another “barking spider” is released inside the Alamo.
Click the green heart below to share. It would mean a lot.
Aaron is a creative writer, pirate wizard, artist, and comic that enjoys eliciting good vibes through the eyeballs that see his work.
Join his escapades through social media @tahowell2 on: Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter.
