Conservatives Aim To Register Nerf Guns To Prevent Child Terrorism
In lieu of the Orlando shootings, conservative lawmakers are now proposing a bill to ensure kids register Nerf guns to help prevent “bite-sized” terrorism.
With Nerf technology becoming more sophisticated by the year, they fear it will be a matter of time before the youngest generation exploit it violently.
“Kids are becoming increasingly aware these days” said an anonymous conservative lawmaker. “As kids are the least suspicious group for terrorism, we need to ensure it stays that way. You know, really put them in their place.”
He mentions how much more worried he is of their aim and not so much the Nerf guns.
“I mean Nerf guns are becoming increasingly more accurate and powerful these days true, but if you get a kid that can hit the eyeballs from 30 yards or more, then we should all be worried.”
Parents of children with Nerf guns are encouraged to teach them about gun safety. OSHA has stated the best personal protective equipment (PPE) for kids are a football helmet, shoulder pads, and shin guards.
The Department of Homeland Security listed several ways to spot if your kid might be falling into the terrorist mindset:
- Takes his time and aims down the scope of Nerf gun
- Sweats from sheer intensity playing Call of Duty
- Shoots Nerf “bullets” at the TV screen while watching conservative news pundits on Fox News
- Runs around house pretending to be a Japanese Kamikaze pilot from WWII
If you notice your child behaving in accordance with the guidelines above, the DoD insists you call them or your local police department. They want you to know it’s not your fault for raising a future terrorist.
The bill is currently in the works but conservatives are hopeful to have a vote going in the next week or two. They have elevated it as one of the most important bills this country has dealt with since the civil rights movement.
Don’t forget to leave a green heart and help prevent Nerf violence before it begins. It would mean a lot.
For more entertaining and thought provoking pieces, see Beyond the Odds. I marginally believe you won’t regret it.
Social stuff of mine found at @tahowell2 on: Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
