Holy Hot Dog Water

PRIEST: I command you, spawn of Satan, to release this child in the name of God

[sprinkles it with hot dog water]

PRIEST: how do you feel?

[the little girl opens her eyes, wider, wider, and wider still. she begins laughing menacingly and her head spins entirely around. the room begins to shake as sheetrock and dust begin falling]

[the priest runs out of the room and slams the door]

PRIEST: I think that made it stronger

ASSISTANT: should we use bacon grease next?

PRIEST: no no. I brought milk marinated in Captain Crunch Berries

ASSISTANT: brilliant

PRIEST: if that doesn’t work, we’ve lost her

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