Local Man’s Intellect Assaulted Over Sweet Potato Fries
54 year old Billy Bondsman entered local eatery “Swine Blu” on Thursday where an attempted assault on his intellect was made. When asked what side he wanted with his hamburger, he responded unabashedly with “sweet potato fries.”
The waiter, Jimbo Rustles (28 of Down’s County), took the opportunity to look at his feet in hesitance over his response.
He was no stranger to making people feel inadequate. It was part of the job he took very seriously. Most days, he would respond jovially with wit and understanding; as if, he too struggled to read the words on the menu. Today wasn’t one of those days.
He tersely replied, “Sir, we don’t carry them.”
A brief pause was felt between the two.
Billy’s lip quivered as his mind was racing to come up with a retort. A sweat bead formed on the base of his receding hairline that highlighted how imperative his response needed to be. He wasn’t going to be “made to look a fool”, especially while sober.
To Jimbo, customers usually apologize for the inconvenience of being entirely clueless about the menu. He finds satisfaction in their self-deprecation and feeds on their low self-worth. Bathing in their stupidity, he uses it for strength to make it through those tough days.
Today was different. Billy was no ordinary customer as this was Billy Bondsman; the best one ups-men in the tri-county area.
Tactically, Billy knew his response needed to transcend the limitations of words. He knew the only way to really put Jimbo in his place was to back his strong, colorful language up with emotion. Internally, he commended Jimbo for being such a worthy adversary, but he had him right where he wanted.
“You should be embarrassed.” said Billy.
Quizzically, Jimbo responded “What?”
Billy folded the menu and aggressively pushed off from the table. With the anger of a blind man trying to watch porn, Billy shoved his face in Jimbo’s and responded, “I’m not hungry anymore.”
And with that, he let his napkin drop to the floor as if it were a mic and walked out with the satisfaction knowing nobody could one up Billy Bondsman; not even Billy Bondsman.
Aaron is a creative writer, pirate, artist, snapper, and wizard that enjoys eliciting positive feelings through the eyeballs that see his work.
You can find him on the publication The Howling Pickle and other social sites below.
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