New Dating Show A Real Hit
[Contestant]: Bachelor number one, where would you take me on our first date?
[Bachelor #1]: I would take you to Talladega and show you off to my crew. We would listen to Free Bird at least a hundred times, and I would also show you my Dale Earnhardt tattoo. Then we would drink beer until we passed out under the stars.
[Contestant]: *in squeaky, excited voice.* Ooo you must be from the South!
Bachelor number two, same question.
[Bachelor #2]: I’d like to take a moment to say how bachelor number one stole my idea! That hillbilly has no idea how to have a good time.
My answer to you bachelorette is I would kick his ass on our first date.
[Bachelor #1]: ….. Bring it.
Bachelor #2 kicks down the cubicle walls to reveal bachelor #1 pointing a gun at his head. Bachelor #2 swiftly ducks, pulls the gun from his waist, and aims at bachelor #1. Both men fire at the same time, hitting each other simultaneously.
The shots stun the audience as blood begins to leach through their wounds.
[Contestant]: *looks on in horror*… B-b-bachelor number three, same q-question.
[Bachelor #3]: Well I’d give you two tickets to the gun show and let you….
[Contestant]: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. FIRST HARAMBE, THEN ORLANDO, AND NOW THIS.
*runs off stage, tears streaming down face*
[Host]: …. andddddd we’ll be back after this quick commercial break.
Leave a heart to prevent gun violence in dating shows. Thanks for reading. Follow The Howling Pickle for more great reads.
Aaron is a creative writer, word wizard, and comic that enjoys sending good vibes to the eyeballs that see his work.