Slow Down Officer
Sir do you know how fast you were going?
Honestly officer, I was being pretty..
.. Excuse me?
… In a 30?
[mouth moves, unable to comprehend]
Listen. We here in Slow Your Ass Down, USA shoot tickets to punks like you like we shoot.. bad guys
[I’m looking professional for work and fluently speak the Queen’s English]
[holds up license and registration]
No need [officer slaps it out of hand]
[reaches in back pocket]
Have a shit day
[officer walks back to car, spins tires with Taylor Swift blaring]
[I glance at ticket]
“Call me sometime”
….. Why even leave the house at all.