The Dentist Will Be in Your Head Soon

ME: you sure you know what you’re doing

MAID: of course. the dentist is out for a bit so I’ll be doing your cleaning

ME: [watches as she places cleaning tools on the table]

HER: now open wide

[she immediately hits my mouth with lysol and rams a feathery cleaning brush in it]

HER: all clean. now that wasn’t so bad

ME: [noticing my teeth are far whiter than usual] how did you..

HER: shhh [takes off mask to reveal herself as my dentist] we’ll see you again in 3 months

ME: hell no I’m getting the cops

DENTIST: I’ll give you a canister of laughing gas

ME: you think you can buy me like that

DENTIST: yep

ME: .. I want the bubble gum flavored mask

DENTIST: done