Answers to common questions about college relationships
Relationships during college can be complicated. In order to help with this, resources such as counseling services exist to help students have their questions answered and their worries addressed.
I spoke with Janelle Patrias, manager of mental health initiatives at the Colorado State University Health Network, over email and a phone call to have her answer some questions regarding relationships in college. Patrias also shared an article from Student Health 101 to answer some of my questions.
Q: Relationships are obviously a huge aspect of the college experience. Can you speak on this for a moment?
A: I would agree that relationships are certainly a big deal among college students. But there are a good number of challenges that go along with them. In a recent survey I read about conducted by Student Health 101, 82 percent of respondents would use the word “challenging” to describe real-life romantic relationships. In fact, according to one of the surveys we’ve conducted, intimate relationships are the third most common stressor students report followed only by academics and financial stress.
Q: Do you think the stress students feel from relationships is normal? Or is something about society aggravating it?
A: I can say that it’s normal, and that it’s more or less the same for other universities. I’m sure there are a lot of factors that are contributing, and the perceived pressures that people are feeling to find and be in a relationship in a university setting is really big.
Q: Many people use college as a time to experiment both socially and sexually. Is this dangerous, or is it to be expected with student’s newfound freedom?
A: Some students do, but the number might be lower than you think. According to extensive data collection, surveying over 1000 students using the National College Health Assessment, 76 percent of male students and 78 percent of female students report having only 1 or fewer sexual partners within the last 12 months. So perhaps our perception of sexual experimentation and hookup culture is slightly inflated. Regardless, practicing safe sex and always getting consent is essential. Sexually transmitted infections are alive and well.
Q: Obviously hookup culture is over-perpetuated, if we’re following these statistics. What can we do to keep students from feeling pressured to be a part of this culture?
I think definitely the data doesn’t support the hookup culture, like you said. I think that people, for as old as time, have been inflating certain things about their sexual lives. Saying that they’re abstinent or more experimental than perhaps they really are. So I think it really comes down to being able to have more real conversations about what their lives are really like.
Q: What is one of the more common issues that you see in relationships that could be resolved more easily than people think?
A: I think one of the most common questions a counselor is likely to ask when discussing a relationship “issue” is: “have you talked to him/her about this?” Or “Have you told your partner how you feel?” So, communication is very often the key to resolving most relationship issues.
Q: What can be done to help encourage communication about sex, especially between partners?
I think we could all probably be better at having authentic communication in our relationships, both inside and outside the bedroom, if you will. So, I think that’s a good place to start. It’s good to just build on communication skills as a whole in the relationship. And other times I think that it does take one partner to take the first step and say “maybe this will start out awkward, but I really want to know what’s important to you, or what feels good, or how you want our time together to be in the bedroom” and I think someone has to take the first leap. It’s not necessarily easy, but I think it’s important, and I think that the Women and Gender Advocacy Center has done some really good work around encouraging those conversations.
Q: If there was one piece of advice you could share with all incoming Freshmen about relationships, what would it be?
A: Patience. If there was anything I’d offer to students it would be to have patience. Patience that you will find the right partner. Patience that there is someone out there who will love you for you. Patience to negotiate the often challenging, and exciting, early relationship communication hurdles in order to establish a strong relationship based on mutual respect with healthy boundaries. Patience to enter into and have successful sexual relationships or encounters that are always based on enthusiastic affirmative consent.
Q: Is there anything else you would like to add?
A: If you feel that you need help or have questions about the relationships in your life, or lack of, there are resources. YOU@CSU, the new online student success portal has a lot of content about healthy relationships, CSU Health Network Counseling Services frequently works with individuals and couples regarding relationships. The Women and Gender Advocacy Center has a myriad of amazing educational and supportive resources. Including the Victim Assistance Team (VAT), which is here to assist Colorado State University students and any family or friends who have experienced sexual assault, relationship violence or stalking both on or off campus and can be accessed by calling 970–492–4242.
